Baby blue
by Shelly Webster
Summary: One of ideas how Gail and Holly came to be. Holly's POV I own nothing
1. Chapter 1

I spent most of my life living in Montreal. My parents loved it there and we never moved. I finished med school and decided to specialize in forensic pathology. My mother was so disappointed, my father said it's my choice and my girlfriend was furious. We had planes to get married and she wanted very comfortable life. Before wedding we had two big things to do. First was for me to come out to my parents and other was for me to choose the field to specialize in. She hoped I would go into plastic surgery or something that profitable. I had no interest in doing such a thing. Pathology was my passion. Monique and I dated for seven years and when she got the chance to date someone with more money and chances to earn she left me without problem. She left like we were dating for seven minutes, not years. She married some girl that was big LGBTQ activist but she had shady reputation and not so good way with people but Monique got what she wanted, money and attention. I took it very hard. I shut myself from everyone...alive... and spent too much time with the dead people and their body parts. I could name you all the bones, all the body parts all the chemical reactions in body, but I didn't know how could Monique forget me so fast and easy. Six months after the break up and few months after her wedding I lived at the morgue. My mentor would often find me sleeping in the lounge room and just smile at me with pity and sad look in his eyes.

''Holly, I never had such a dedicated and good student but I believe if you keep like this I will have you soon at that table over there...''

''I know... But, I just can't go home...''

''Still have a feeling she is there?''

''Yes, she is everywhere...''

''Than move...''

''Where?''

'' I have something for you...''

He gave me an envelope with recommendation letter and forms for pathologist office in Toronto. It was far from M and good change...

''I think you will love the job...''

''I think I might...''

I sent my application and two weeks later I was informed I got the job. My parents were not happy that I am moving away, but I knew I needed a fresh start. Some place to be me, no baggage no past, just me... Nerd, hell of the doctor and lesbian. I could never tell them that I'm gay because I had to be perfect. I had to make them proud. When I was sixteen my brother died in war. He was a doctor and someone bombed the medical tent he was having a surgery in. That day more than twenty people died and over sixty was injured. I had to be good enough to be their daughter and his sister. Marvin was special. He always got all the attention when he enters the room. His energy was amazing. I loved to spend time with him and listen to him while he explains some complicate disuse or surgery to me. Because of him my love for medicine was born. Finishing med school was the way to honor him. So, my parents had all their hopes on me. I would get married, have three children, nice husband and we would spend our summers all the time together... But life had other planes for me. I was gay, never liked boys, but just to pleas my parents I dated some of them. In college I had my first experience with a girl. It was at a party. I was a bit drunk but brave enough to dare and go home with her. She took me to her apartment and got me another drink . After two drinks I dared to let her take off my things and take me to bed. That was the day I got the conformation I'm gay. It felt right, it felt amazing and it felt like something I would like to do over and over again. Monique came later. We met in the library. She studied Drama and was real drama queen when I think of it. I fell for her right away. We started dating little after we met. We had our ups and downs but we stuck together for years. She never made problem about my parents not knowing about us. She never cared. Even her parents never knew anything about us. We lived together for six years and I believed I was happy. I believed we had a good life together but it seems I was wrong. So, here I am, packing for a new city and new challenges. My boss helped me pack and get rid of all the things Monique. I needed to that. We took her things to the trash and her clods to the homeless shelter. They were now dressed in designer things New city and the job I beguine in two days. My boss has seen to it that I have an apartment waiting for me. I came after the truck with my things and the workers helped me with the boxes and all that had to be taken into the apartment. It was nice, bright ,warm and as soon as I get all out of the boxes it will became home. By the end of the day my boxes were done and that place became home. My books and photographs of my family occupied almost entire wall of bookshelf. I was really a nerd. But I loved them. That bookshelf was my most precious treasure. Around eight my new boss came to give me my pass for the morgue and car keys.

''Good evening Dr. Stewart. I'm Dr. Sims. I came to greet you and give you your pass and car keys. We got some money this year and decided to buy a car for pathologist that will go into field. Since you are the youngest, you got that honor.''

''Thank you. I'm sorry I have nothing to offer you. I just finished unpacking and wanted to go and buy some things I might need.''

''You have super market pretty close to your house. It's good. My wife shops there and trust me she is heard to please...so it's good. And one important thing. If you want to have good beer and relax, there is a bar near the station. It's called Black Penny. Go and see it. It's Friday and it might be fun...''

''Thank you. See you on Monday...''

''See you... Have a nice weekend.''

I took the keys and got to the car. And nice car it was. I followed instructions GPS gave me and got to the super market. I got all I needed and went home. It felt nice to stock my fridge with things I love and Monique hated. There was meet, beer, vine, cheese and all the amazing things. It felt great to be free to decorate the place as I like it and to buy what I want. Monique made me leave my books at my parent's house so on our shelves we just had her books and some stupid porcelain figures. I hated that crap.

I changed my close , got the lenses and went to that bar. As I entered I had a feeling I was crashing a party. Everybody was tipsy and their laughter was so contagious. I go to the bar and got a drink. I noticed some girls in the corner giggling and looking at me. I waved at them and got back to my drink. After some time one of them approached me. She was hot, blond and had interesting ice blue eyes...

''Hi, I'm Charlotte ...''

''Hi, I'm Holly...''

''Want a drink?''

''Sure... What are we drinking?''

''Tequila shots and beer.''

''Girl, that's some crazy combination...''

We had seven shots and three beers and I was tipsy... She was flirting with me and it was fun...

''So, Holly are you from around here?''

''No, I just moved here today...''

''Where from?''

''Montreal...''

''Nice place, but Toronto is pretty grate too...''

''I have two days to get to know the city and then I start my job...''

''What do you do?''

Learning from experience, I decided not to go into details...

''I'm a doctor...''

''Him... A doctor who likes to play doctor...''

''You are drunk..''

''So are you...''

''And what do you do?''

''I'm doing everything wrong if you ask my mother...''

I was aware I will not get any rational answer, so I let it go...

''I'll be back..''

I got off my chair to go to the restroom and she followed. As soon as she closed the door, she kissed me and that initiated steamy make out session.

''Do you live far from here?''

''No... Why?''

''Take me home...''

It took me five seconds to decide.

''Sure...''

We got to my apartment and she started stripping me. I liked bossy women who are not afraid to take the initiative. I liked to see power in their eyes...Our things were flying all over the apartment leaving a trail to my bedroom. She pushed me onto the bed and straddled me. She kissed my neck and collarbone going lower. She lowered me to the bed and continued what she was doing. I was so turned on and surprised by this night. It felt like college again. It never occurred to me that new city will give me a new lover on the same night.

''Mmmmm... Charlotte... That feels so good...''

''You like it? I'm glad you like it...''

I flipped us so it was my turn to make her squirm and beg for me to fuck her. I gave her my best game that night. I gave her orgasms of her life. She collapsed at the bed by my side and fought for breath.

'' You're so hot my good doctor...''

''Well, thank you miss Charlotte...''

''You're very welcome...''

It was five in the morning. We were getting ready for another round when her phone rang.

''Yes! What? Fine...I'll come to Penny and we can go... See you...''

''You have to go?''

''Yes... My friends are waiting... It is time to leave...''

''Will I see you again?''

''Maybe..''


	2. Chapter 2

After she left I took a shower and went to bed. I had a strange feeling about this girl. I knew it was not the last I see of her. I didn't care. I wanted to see her again. We had good time and apparently she liked my amazing skills in bed. Go _to sleep Stewart, you're getting crazy in your head. You got some after months of being alone and now you are master of the bedroom. Please..._. I fell asleep at six and my mom woke me up at ten just to talk to me.

''Mooom... I told you I will call... Why did you have to wake me up?''

''That's not the way to speak to your mother. It's ten... I waited since seven for you to call. I was so worried something happened to you...''

''Mom, I had entire apartment to set up. I need my rest. It took long to place everything and clean...''

''My poor baby, all alone. You have to find some nice man and cut those hours. Men don't like to be greeted by an empty house.''

''Mom, stop talking about man, dating, children... I told you, not now...''

''But when? You are twenty eight...''

''I know...''

''You have to go out. Meet nice people...Mingle... You will not find a nice young man on that table or under the microscope...''

''Actually, we sometimes get very attractive men... Young, strong, tall, covered in tattoos and shot with dozens of bullets, but if you can see past that... They are pretty cool boys...''

''Holly Emily Stewart, stop that right now...''

''But you said something that is not accurate. I had to correct you mom...''

''I must go. Your father is hungry. Love you baby...''

''Love you too. Say hi to dad..''

''I will.''

That was done. I went back to sleep and an hour later my phone rang again... It was Dr. Sims.

''Good morning Dr. Stewart, I'm sorry to interrupt your weekend but apparently your work starts today. We have mass suicide outside of the city in the corn field. Eighteen kids are deed. They slid their wrists and it's a mess over there. I will send you the coordinates so you can put them in the GPS.''

'' I'll be there...''

I got dressed and prepared all I would need for this sighting. Bag with all the stuff I need for examining the body was already in the car. Dr. Sims put it there for me. I took my rubber boots and put them in the trunk and the job officially beguine. Drive was not long. It took me about twenty minutes. I was greeted by officer Collins. Nice looking guy. My mother would love him, very son in law material.

''I'm sorry, but this is a crime scene...''

It took me some time to process he couldn't see my badge and I didn't introduce myself...

''Oh, sorry... I'm doctor Stewart, new pathologist...''

''I'm so sorry... I didn't know. We expected Sims...''

''We?''

''My fiancée... Oh, crap! Officer Peck and me. We are still waiting for the forensic team to come. You actually came first.''

''Where are the bodies?''

''Over there... In the middle of the corn. I must warn you, she is cranky today. Usually you can find her in a better mood. She had a rough night...''

''I'll be careful not to get on her nerves... What was the name of the officer again?''

''Peck, Gail Peck...''

''Thank you. When the rest of the crew comes, send them down. I expect to be done in an hour, so I don't intervene with them...''

I followed his directions and found a police officer leaning over the bodies. She heard me coming but believed I am the other officer, her fiancée..

''Nick, you moron! Go back up there. You know how you react to dead bodies. I can't let you throw up here... Go back, Sims should be here...''

''Not Nick... I'm Doctor Stewart...''

She got up and faced me... I couldn't believe. Charlotte... Before we had a chance to say something, Collins came with the rest of the team. They set up their unites and I turned to the bodies... I liked the dead more at this moment. All the victims were in their late teens. End of high school or beginning of college. Girls were blond and boys had dark hair. It was an usual. I never heard of suicide pacts that include same type of people. They were almost identical. Liver temperature was consistent with ToD of less than twelve hours.

''Officer Peck, grab a pair of gloves and look at their slash wounds... Describe them to me...''

She gave me one of the death glares but did what I asked her.

''They are vertical, pretty deep and it seems to...''

''Precise?''

''Yes, in a way...''

''I'm ready for the team to remove the bodies...''

I was introduced to detective Swarek and we waited for his partner do come.

''My partner is with two men who found them. This is their field.''

''Don't worry. It's no problem...''

Women came and I recognized her from the bar. She looked at me and suddenly she remembered me and lowered the gaze. It didn't stop me from giving them information's about what I discovered looking at the bodies.

''I'll give you more after the autopsy. I would not know much more until I get all the results.''

''Than you doctor...''

''See you around...''

I got to my car and I could finally let that breath I was holding for so long. I placed head at the steering wheel. There was the knock on my window... It was officer Collins.

''Are you ok?''

''Yes, just little bit tired. I arrived just yesterday...''

''Oh, bad first day on the job...''

''Don't worry... Would you like to join us for a drink in Penny tonight. This is the address ... You will meet nice people...''

''I'll think about it...''

''I hope to see you later dr Stewart.''

''Have a nice day officer Collins...''

I drove to the morgue and changed into my new uniform. It was already in the locker they assigned to me. Bodies were placed on the tables when I arrived. My interns were prepping them and taking all the necessary steps for me to start to work on them. I am still angry about what happened with that girl, but I didn't want my feelings to get in the way of my work and relationship with the rest of the force. The bodies were naked and all the swabs from the clouding, skin and cavities were taken. They recorded all external findings and covered the bodies with their findings on top of each of them. Now, it was my time to cut. I turned the recorder and beguine.

''Victim, female, late teens, average body type, no identification, blond hair, blue eyes. Eyes are already bleary , no bruises or cuts except the ones on her hands, more precise wrists. Person was dead for less than 12 hours when the body was found. She was found facing the west with her hands folded over her chest. It seems the perpetrator arranged bodies in some ceremonial ways. There are no wounds that could indicate that this person was tortured. There are small bruises formed post mortem that could indicate that victim was dragged by the hands. I'm opening the chest now... Her anterior organs seam in order and she seams healthy. ''

I removed and measured all her organs and then something got my attention. I checked all the female victims and found the same thing. Just as I was about to call the detectives, officer Peck came into my morgue. I turned the microphone off just in case.

''Dr Stewart, officer Collins and I were sent to see if you found something. He can't enter, so he is in the hallway listening...''

I got the message. No talk about last night...

''I just started, but there is something about these girls...''

''Yes?''

''They all have their pelvic bones changing...And their uterus was...''

''In English?''

''They were pregnant... My estimate is about eight weeks, but don't take that as a fact. I will have to confirmed that, but definitely pregnant...''

''By the boys?''

''Don't know that... Not impossible but DNA is not that fast... Let's say in a few days we can go back to baby daddy story...''

''What about boys?''

''Haven't started yet...''

''Nothing from the bodies?''

''I'm not a miracle worker...''

''Try... Our boss is on our back. Apparently one of the girls could be his daughter.''

''That is massive...''

I went to the boys bodies and started looking.

''Oh...''

''What?''

''Nothing... Go back to work and I will send my findings...''

''Fine...''

They went and I was left with a mess and something crazy... Eight hours later, I had some news for start. I came up to the station and all the officers were there.

''My name is Dr. Holly Stewart. I am new forensic pathologist and I've been working on this new case.''

I took a deep breath.

''Are they really pregnant? ''

''Are the boys fathers?''

''Let's say they are definitely not the fathers...''

''How can you be sure? It take days for DNA to be processed...''

''I can clime with amazing certainty that those boys are not fathers... Thos boys are actually girls...''

''But we saw them, they look like men...''

''But they are not... They are biologically born female.''

''That is weird... They were cute boys...''

''But they are not... They are girls with all the girls parts...''

''Is it possible that maybe they were in transition?''

People looked at that officer. She was very shaken...

''Officer...''

''Cruz, Marlowe Cruz...''

'' I don't know. If we are talking about hormonal therapy, I will not know that until I get the lab work... But I am not sure that they were... We will have to identify them and then see what their medical history is. At first look, they all seem very healthy. Aside those cuts, these girls had nothing but some childish scrapes and scars that would be consistent with injuries like falling of the bike, rollerblades or some childish scrapings. They were all very old...''

''How do you know?''

''They were very bright... almost invisible...''

''So, no indication that they tried before?''

''On their bodies I haven't found any scaring that might suggest intend of suicide. As I said, maybe we could find something in their medical histories. If they did try with pills I would have no way of knowing that just with autopsy. ''

I started leaving the room and I remembered something important...

''Oh, I forgot...This is not a suicide. This is a murder...''

''How do you know?''

''The cuts are identical and very precise...''

''What do you mean?''

''You can't cut yourself with that precision, especially if we assume that one hand is already bleeding... ''

I noticed that some of the officers took their pens and tried to imagine how would it be to do the cuts by themselves. I was flattered they accepted and tested my theory... I felt like they accepted me to be the part of the team.

''Well I'll leave you to it now. If I have something for you I will call or send it...''

I left the building and at the parking loath I was greeted with officer Peck.

''What a surprise?! What should I call you?''

''Charlotte is my middle name and actually I prefer it to Gail...''

''So, you are telling me you half lied?''

''No, I made a mess... Can we talk somewhere?''

''Where?''

''Your place?''

I gave her a very quizzing look...

''Do you think that is smart?''

''No, but it's private...''

''Fine, you know the way...''


	3. Chapter 3

I drove to my place pretty nervous. I wanted to hear what she has to say and on the other hand I didn't want to know. I felt cheated. She was not there yet, so I had some time to pull myself together. I changed into my sweats and old comfy shirt and waited for her to come. She came some twenty minutes after me and I let her in.

''You have nice place here...I haven't paid too much attention to it when we came here...''

''I suppose you didn't have time to look at it during the walk of shame to...?''

She gave me one of her killer looks and I realized I was not very nice...

''Thank you..I really like it too...''

''Too bad you are messing things up with that nerdy crap...''

''Are you here to talk about my book taste or something else?''

''Apparently you want to go straight for it..."

''Someone has to...''

''Well...''

''What happened? In what moment you forgot that you are engaged?''

''Honestly?''

''Yes...''

''Every time he is not around...''

''What?''

''I forget about him... ''

''Girl, you are about to marry him...''

''I know...But...''

''It's not my life... It's my mother's vision of what my life should be...''

I could relate to that. My mother had the same idea for me.

''And what is your life?''

''No idea...''

_The time for big question came..._

''Are you gay?''

''No idea too.''

''O.K. What do you know?''

''I know that sometimes when I'm drunk I look at girls and have very naughty thoughts in my head...''

''And sober?''

''When I'm sober I give my best not to think...''

''Hm...''

''How did you come out to your family?''

Oh, my... I really made myself a problem with this answer...

''I didn't. My mother hopes for a nice husband and ten kids...''

''And you give me crap about not being out...?!''

''My friend and people I worked with knew...''

''But still your parents have no clue...''

''At least I want to come out to them and might do it soon since I don't live with them anymore. I'm not getting drunk and fucking random girls from bar. I'm not hiding my feelings behind a glass and excuses...''

''You are angry?''

''I feel used...''

''Why? We had good night and fun time...''

''And that's all it was? Just simple hook up?''

''I don't know...''

I sighed... That's not what I needed to hear. I needed to hear yes/no answers...

''Gail, we work together. We have to see each other at work. We have to sort it out...''

''Have something to drink?''

''Why, can't take me to bed sober?''

I didn't mean for it to sound like that... She just looked at me. She was angry, but there was something else in her eyes too. She got me off the chair and took me to my bedroom. She pushed me to bed and started stripping. Every rational and moral part of me has left the building and there was only lust and passion. _Holly, this is just sex... Nothing more...JUST SEX..._ We were naked and all over each other in a matter of seconds... There was no room for words or anything. There were we and some insane chemistry.

''Wow...That was...wow...''

''I should get you angry more often?''

''Maybe good doctor...''

''Gail...''

''I know...''

''We have to talk about it...''

''I know... We had great time...I like being with you...Do you think we could keep seeing each other like this? ''

''I don't know... I don't think it is ok...''

''You don't get it... I can't disappoint my mom...She thinks about this wedding much more than me...''

''Oh, I do get it... That's the same reason my parents don't know. But I'm not a cheater Gail. I can't sleep with you without being aware that you are someone's. You are getting married to someone...''

''I don't love him... It's easy that way. My mom loves him and I tolerate him...''

''I never want to feel that again. I dated boys for my mom and I don't want to go back to that...''

''You have no right to say anything. You are not out to your parents. UNTILL YOU ARE STILL IN THE CLOSET REGARDING YOUR PARENTS, DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME ANYTHING ABOUT MINE...''

''And I think that has to change...''

I don't know what got into me. I got out of the bed and put my robe. I called my mother on her Skype and she answered.

''Hi love. How are you?''

''I'm fine... Mom, I have something to tell you and dad...''

''Oh my God, you met some nice boy!''

''No mother, no boys...Not now, nor ever...''

''What?''

''I'm gay...''

''You're not...''

''I am...''

''No, you're not!''

''Mother, trust me I am... I've been sleeping with girls for a long time and I lived with Monique for years.''

''She was your friend...''

''No... We were dating... We wanted to get married...''

''No! No! No! I do not accept it! ''

''Mom, I need you to understand. I am who I am...''

''I didn't raise my daughter to be a dyke...''

''No, you raised me to be independent, to be wise, good person and to love and respect people around me.''

''No, I will not accept that.''

My father heard her shouting at the computer so he came to see what is going on.

''Crazy women, what got into you?''

''Our... _Holly..._just told me she is a dyke...''

I waited for his reaction. He set on the chair beside my mother and took some water. His face remained calm.

''Oh, well.. I suppose the time for that conversation came...''

''What do you mean? Jo, how can you be so calm?''

''Dad?''

''I always had a feeling you swing that way...I mean, no straight girl plays baseball like that...A father knows his little girl. At that basketball game at your school I noticed you were more into that piece of work from volleyball team than the game... And that business with that annoying girl lasted for years... I just suposed you don't want to talk about it. ''

''Are you OK with it?''

''Are you happy like that?''

''Yes...''

''Than I am O.K. with that...''

My mom went crazy. She screamed at my dad and told us both so many bad things that it really hurt me. She said she would rather have two children dead than a lesbian daughter. I closed my computer and started crying like a baby. Gail apparently heard all and came to the living room. She took my hand and led me back to the bedroom. She put me to bed and got in with me. She was so gentle and nice to me.

''Don't cry. Give her time to adjust... It takes a lot for parents to have understanding for things like that.''

''But she told me she would rather have me dead...''

''It's her loss. You are amazing person Holly...''

She kissed my hair and stroke it until I fell asleep. We spent the night together. She stayed with me. We had the day off. We didn't have to go into station until Tuesday morning. I woke up in her arms and it felt good. She was still asleep. She looked so beautiful. Her hair was down and almost entire pillow was covered with it. I had so many ideas going through my head and one of them was definitely sex. I kissed her and she responded quickly...

''I see you are feeling better today...''

''Much better... Thank you for staying...''

''Don't mention it... It's fine...''

She loosened my robe and removed it using just one hand...

''Holly Stewart, you are like drug...''

''So are you...''

That morning she made love to me. She was amazingly gentle and vulnerable . She actually dared to look me in the eyes and let me see her. She was taking a nap on top of me and I played with her hair...

''I'm afraid of what people might say or think... I'm afraid of my mother...''

''I know...''

''Holly, would you be able to wait for me?''

''Wait?''

''Be with me until I end things with Nick and tell my family...After I do that, I will try to be the best public girlfriend ever. You just have to show me the ropes. I was never in a relationship I care about... I even care about you...''

''Gail, that is cheating...''

''I know... But can we try?''

''Gail...''

''Please...''

''Let me think about it... Ok?''

She just nodded and kissed me. That girl would be the death of me...


	4. Chapter 4

Gail left and I stayed alone with my thoughts. _Should I date her behind everyone's back? Should I do that? Could I live with the fact that I'm shearing a person I care about? Could I believe her if/ when we get together? What if she does the same thing to me? Once a cheater, always a cheater...Holly get her out of your head, she is trouble..._ A lot of questions and so little answers. My thought were interrupted by the phone.

''Hi, dad..''

''Baby, send me your address. I'm on the way...''

''What way?''

''To you love...''

''What is going on?''

''I left your mother...''

''WHAT?!''

'' I left her... After that thing she told you, I couldn't stay...''

''Oh, dear God... I'll text you the address...''

My dad was on his way. I felt bad for him and mom. They had good marriage and my sexuality destroyed almost forty years of their life together. I talked to Gail over the phone and I told her what happened.

''You shouldn't blame yourself. Your dad did what he believed to be the best. You are his girl and above all the other things. I wish I knew my dad would support me.''

''I know...Wait, are you actually planning on telling something to your parents?''

''I can't just come and say ''Hi parents, I'm gay. I need some more introduction...''

''So, you are gay?''

''I think I am...''

''That's nice to know...''

''Shut up!''

''Why? You know I don't mind you being gay... I am very open minded girl who likes to have you in her bed...''

''You wish...''

There was short silence..

''How are you feeling?''

''I don't know...''

''Want me to come?''

''Gail...I don't know if that is a good idea...''

''I promise, no sex. I just want to be there for you...''

''Fine... Want me to order some food?''

''Sure... We can order Indian and see some film or something like that...''

''Yes, that would be great.''

She was at my place twenty minutes later. She had her uniform in hand and bags with six pack of beer and some amazing junk food.

''For the movie...''

''I believed we said no alcohol?''

''No. I don't remembered it like that...''

She put the beer in the fridge and all the junk food in bowls. It was nice to see her so domesticated in my house.

''What?''

''Nothing...''

''Are you sure? If you don't stop looking at me like that, I can guarantee that your no sex rule will be broken...''

''Is you mind ever out of the gutter officer Peck?''

''Just when you are not around... But when you are close...''

''Gail, please stop...''

''Why?''

''Because I might say good buyer to this little self control I have...''

''Holly, we are here alone. No one can see us... let go...''

''No...It's not smart...''

''So what?! Live a little...''

''Gail, it's not simple... Yes, we have amazing time in bed, we have fun talking about things, but it's all in secret. We are lovers, we are having an affair... I am the other woman... I have to be the one who keeps silent about us and behaves nice to your fiancée. I can't do it... It hurts Gail...I can sleep with you today, but what will happen tomorrow? Nick invited me to drink with you all. How do you think it will feel to see you with him?''

''It's just for some time...I promise I will break it off. Give me two weeks...''

''This is stupid!''

''Spend this night with me and in two weeks I would take to brake it off with Nick and tell my parents we will not see each other out of work...''

''Gail...''

''Just this night... Ok?''

She looked at me like kicked puppy. I had no options but to let it be like she wants it. I grabbed her shirt and pulled her closer to me. In few very quick moves I took off her shirt and pants and she was butt naked on my kitchen counter. My revenge for all the teasing and words with double meaning was sweet and effective. We spent the night together. She kept me awake almost entire night. We had late shifts so we could manage to take very short nap. But, don't worry ,our mourning was very awkward and somewhat unbelievable. We were woken up by my dad entering the bedroom.

''Good morning bumble bee and her lady friend... Up and Adam...''

I jumped and Gail tried to reach for her gun...

''I'm her father, so don't shoot me...''

''What on earth...''

''Your doorman let me in. We know each other from my military days...''

''Oh,God... This is not happening...''

''I'll be in the living room...''

He left the room and I blushed like a little girl...

''My dad just walked in on us sleeping in the same bed, naked and not really covered?''

''That would be precise...''

''Oh, God...''

''Let's get dressed and handle this like grownups...''

''And how is that?''

''I don't know. I was under the impression that it was your job in our relationship...''

''Thank you, that was helpful.''

She smiled at me, but there was something behind that...

''What?''

''You haven't made comment to me saying we are in a relationship...''

''Well, in a way we are. It's complicate, but it's a relationship...''

We got to the living room and found my dad reading the paper and drinking coffee.

''I made some more and you have fresh pancakes with some fruit and syrup...

''Thank you...''

''You're welcome...''

That was an awkward breakfast. My father and my lover...

''Your girlfriend is very quiet...''

We choked on our food.

''Dad, she is not my girlfriend...''

''No?''

''Mr. Stewart, we are working on it...''

''Excuse me, I stopped dating long time ago... At my time we were getting married and then ''working on it'' but you generation is different...''

I blushed some more... Could it get any worse?

''So, what is the problem?''

''What do you mean?''

''Why are you not dating my girl? ''

''Because she came unexpected and I have to finish one relationship before I start anything with her...''

''So, elicited affair is Ok with you?''

''Not with her..''

''Dad, could we stop this conversation?''

''I just wanted to know how these things work now days. Everybody is so bloody liberal and does whatever they like... I was raised differently.''

''Holly, I have to go... See you...''

''Let me walk you out...''

We got to the door and we kissed. She left and I went back to my dad.

''Holly, I do not mind you dating girls, but having an affair...''

''I know. She will end it soon. She has to come out... She said she will tell her friends and family... She promised...''

''Baby, they always do.''

I didn't need that from my dad... I needed support.

''Baby, find someone who has simple life, who is out and has a thing only for you. Shearing will kill you...I know you baby... Deal with it before it destroys you...''

I didn't want to think about her with him, with anyone but me. My dad was right... I knew he was... I got dressed and went to work. I spent most of the day reading lab reports from the mass murder victims and looking for something to point me into the right direction. My reading was interrupted by the smell of her perfume and coffee.

''Have time for a small brake?''

''Yes...''

''Are you ok?''

''I am...''

''What is wrong?''

''You are never going to end it?''

''What?''

''The thing with Nick...''

''And what makes you think that?''

''I don't know... I have a feeling that is far from over...''

''Holly, I told you...''

''I know, but...''

''Why are you so insecure?''

''I'm not...''

''Yes you are...''

''It's just my dad said something to me...''

''Your dad?''

''Yes, he said I will always stay the other woman...''

''You will not...''

''I want to believe it so much...''

''You think I will not end it with Nick?''

''Sometimes...''

She got her phone out of the pocket and dialed the number.

''See you tonight? Ok... Fine...''

She hung up and looked at me...

''It's ending tonight...''

She went and left me alone with my papers and brine working like crazy. After work some of my interns got me to go out with them. We ended at Penny where all the cops were. I believe one of the cops was Gail's mother. At one point Nick got out to the stage and addressed us.

''I'm so glad all of you are here because I need your help and support. I love you Gail and I want us to spend our life together. I almost got killed today and all I could see was you and out future together. I asked you to marry me and you gave me very vague answer. If you say yes, I would marry you here and now... Oliver got ordained just to marry us... Say yes and make me the happiest man alive...''

My stomach was in the twist. Everybody waited for the answer with smiles on their faces... She got up and I noticed she was playing with a ring that could be engagement ring... She took a deep breath and took it off.

''I'm sorry... I can't do it...''

''What! Why?''

''Because today when we were under that fire, I wasn't seeing your face in my future... I didn't see you as the part of my future... I didn't worry about you... All I did was think about someone who was not there and not aware of the danger I was in...''

Her mother stood up and looked at her angry.

''Gail, explain yourself...''

''I am in love with someone else... I feel something I never felt for anyone in my life...''

''Who is that man? Where did you meet?''

''Here... It was supposed to be just a hook up and something forgotten but I couldn't forget...''

Nick was furious...

''Where is he? Who did you cheat with?''

I didn't know what to do. I got up from the chair and walked towards them. Nick saw me and just waved.

''Doctor Stewart, don't get into this... This has nothing to do with you... She is a cheater and protects that bastard who slept with her... ''

''You are wrong... It has everything to do with me...''

''Dr. Stewart, me and officer Collins are the ones who have to clear up things... Please do not get involved into something that might hurt your career or reputation...''

She didn't want me in this and I respected that. I moved, but stayed close if she needs me.

''Nick, can we go somewhere and talk...alone...''

''No, what you have to say, say here and now...''

_This was it... now or never..._

''I am gay...''


	5. Chapter 5

_''I am gay...''_

There was dead silence.

''I'm gay...''

She whispered these words like she needed to tell that to herself also. She said those words and no one still dared to say anything. Nick was shocked, he looked at her with his mouth open and he moved them several times but no words left his mouth. On the other hand her mother got pail and her friends were surprised. This was news of the millennium. No one could believe. My impression was they would believe more if she told them she was abducted by aliens and kept there for a few days...But this, this was not something they could believe. Person who slept with so many men just came out as gay. Nick was first to say something...

''No, that's a lie...''

''No, it's not...''

''If you really are gay, why did you say no when I wanted that girl to join us that night in a strip club?''

She started laughing...

''And you think that person who is doing all she can to cover she is gay will let a woman in her bed and be distracted? Oh, Nick...She was not interested in transom. And if she was... If that stripper got into our bed, you would be out of it in a minute...''

''Why?''

''She would be in that bed for me, not you...She was gay to...''

''No, she wasn't...''

''She and that Black Diamond girl had a thing... I saw them... Her dressing room was open...''

I could hear Dov and Chris talking.

''Oh, God. Always the hot ones are gay...''

''I just hope our new doctor is not... I want to ask her out these days...''

_Oh,no... Now I have to come out... Dam!_

Nick was trying to process all the information Gail gave him...

''Since when?''

''Since when?''

''How long have you know? Since when are you gay?''

''I can't tell you since when... There was always something missing. I was attracted to girls, I had more opinion on them than on boys, I used to sneak a peek at the gym class or in the shower... I even caught myself going into the locker room last just no to see anyone changing. I felt like I had to protect my secret...''

Her mother stood and looked at them without word. I could see she was thinking and trying to find some words to address her child and new ''problem''.

''And you had to tell us something like that causing a scandal...''

''If it didn't happen...''

''You would have never told us anything?''

''Yes...''

''Oh, Gail...''

''What?''

''I always knew...''

Now it was my turn to be surprised.

''What?''

''Your way of dressing and haircuts were always questionable...''

''Oh, God ! Mother how can you say something like that?''

''Well, you always liked swats and jeans more than dresses or skirts...''

''Because I was playing with Steve. If was difficult to run and climb trees in dresses.''

''And when you've bitten up that poor boy in fourth grade?''

''He pushed me off the fence...''

''And that boy at the lake?''

''He tried to kiss me...''

''See?''

''I was ten. I was not supposed to be kissing...''

''Excuses, excuses...''

Then her face lit up...

''I just won my first bet against your father... You are gay...''

I couldn't holt my laughter. She gave me the look and I stopped.

''You made a bet?''

''Yes, it was more than ten years ago...''

''This is embarrassing...''

Nick was still listening and trying to keep it together.

''So, that person you cheated with is a girl...?''

''Yes...''

''Is she here?''

I didn't know what would she do. I was not sure if she wanted me to know. Before she had time to say or do something Chris and Dov got involved.

''Come on. Let's go for a walk... Leave it alone...''

They took him out and I sent her message saying she could spend the night if she wants... She just nodded and we left the bar separated with about ten minutes in between. She was waiting in front of my building when I arrived.

''Hey...''

She just hugged me and we stood there for some time.

''Gail...''

''Let's talk inside... I know what you want to say, and I had my reasons to do it this way...''

We got in and I found a note from my dad that he'll be staying with his army buddy in the ground floor. It was cute how they decided to bond again after million years. On the other hand I didn't mind being alone in the apartment with Gail. We took off our coats and went to the living room.

''I know that you may be angry at me because I said that you should stay out of it and I'm not sorry for that. I wanted to protect you. You had no idea who I was and that I'm involved with someone. You had no idea that I was struggling with my sexuality and the fact I'm afraid of what everyone will think or say. You slept with Charlotte...''

''Yes, but I also slept with Gail...''

''Yes, you did...But, that's not the point. I need to do this myself. I need to come out for me, not because I slept with someone and made mistake.''

''Mistake?''

''I cheated...''

''Oh, that...''

''Minor detail?''

''Gail, keep talking...''

''I had to own up to things I did. If I didn't want you, I would have never done it. I wanted you Holly and that was it... I noticed you and I simply had to come and talk to you. I drank more than ever that night because I was nervous as hell.''

''Me too. You were first girl after...long relationship...''

''You were in a long relationship before we met? Does she has do to with your coming here?''

''In a way she was the reason I moved... She didn't love me enough to live with pathologist. She wanted plastic surgeon...''

''And did she find one?''

''No, she married shady LGBTQ activist... Six months ago...''

''Was she hot?''

''Who?''

''Your ex...''

''Yes... She was...''

''Oh...''

''But it was... Just a childish infatuation when I think about it. I loved her for the wrong reasons. She was beautiful, special, but never mine... If someone can forget about you that fast, it was never love... It's just habit.''

''Like me and Nick?''

''Maybe...''

There was again that comfortable silence...

''Can you just hold me?''

''Sure... No problem...''

''And if you tell anyone about this... I'm going to kill you...''

''Such a romantic... How did I get so lucky...?!''

I pulled over me and hugged her so strong. She was silent and very relaxed. I liked silence with her. It was nice and...familiar in some way... It was a good way to spend time. We fell asleep on the sofa and woke up around four in the morning.

''Let's leave town for a winter brake...''

''Where do you want to go Gail?''

''Europe... Prague, Rome, Paris...''

''Paris and Rome are ok, but Prague is far from there...''

''There are planes nerd... You know? They can fly you where you want to go..''

''Ok. Then I leave it up to you. Plan out journey to unknown...''

''That sounded so Hobbit like...''

''And I am a nerd?''

''I am just well informed...''

''About Hobbits?''

She had cute grumpy face...

''Let's get you some coffee... Bilbo Baggins...''

She got up and started chasing me all over the apartment. She caught me in the bedroom and pushed me to the bed. She started tickle me and I couldn't stop laughing.

''You are pushing your luck doctor...''

''I'm sorry officer... Hobbit...''

She tickled me some more and then she got so serious.

''Gail?''

''Why is it so easy?''

''What?''

''Being with you...''

''I don't know...''

''I like it...''

''Me too...''

''Gail, what do we do now?''

''What do you mean?''

''What do we say to people?''

''We don't say anything...''

''So, we hide?''

''No, we don't give them any way to discredit you. Not in the middle of a big case that seems to me has to do with possibility of the girls being...''

''Gay?''

''Yes, but I was going with together...as couples...''

''So, it's not just a murder, but a hate crime?''

''It's possible...''

''I don't like the sound of that...''


	6. Chapter 6

In the morning we went to work The idea she put in mu head kept me awake most of the night. I couldn't imagine what would make someone kill all these girls, maybe even knowing they were pregnant. I took all the lab work and my findings and started reading them again giving my best to find something I haven't seen yesterday. My phone rung and I answered.

''Hi Gail.''

''Dr. Stewart, we need you to come to the station ASAP...''

''Officer, I'll be there in thirty minutes.''

I was not worried about 'Dr Stewart' part, but I was worried about 'come to the station'. Did they find some cases like this one? Did they found a lead? I had no idea what was this about. I got there and Sam, Tracy, Chris and Gale took me to one of the interrogation rooms. Over there was some older detective with very cocky face. He looked like he was just about to give us all a lesson.

''Dr. Stewart, this conversation is being taped. You can bring your layer if you want...''

''Do I need one?''

''We don't know... We found something...''

They gave me enlarged photograph of one of the girls.

''Do you know her? Have you seen her before?''

''I can't recall, but that also has to do with the fact I've been staring at her face and face of the others for days... I cut into her... I know her in most intimate way detective... But, if you are asking if I knew her ALIVE, my answer is I don't think so...''

''You are from Montreal?''

''Yes, born and raised there. I moved here less than a week ago...''

''Just at the time when murders happened?''

''Yes, just then... It was my first case, just a day after I came...arrived...''

My slip up was for Gail. She was to pail and serious...I had to wake her up from that state. Dirty jokes were something that worked for us.

''And you don't have an alibi for that night?''

''I actually do have it...''

''Hm... Interesting. You just got here and someone can confirm that...''

'' I don't know where are you going with this, but the answer is very simple... My building manager has security guards on the door. He sees us coming and leaving. There are also cameras on every floor and they also monitored fire escapes. So, no one can come and go without being caught on camera''

Chris left the room to answer his phone. Gail, didn't look at me. She was looking at the floor.

''But when he has to use the restroom?''

''There are two guards...And cameras work independently from guards bladder...''

Gail went pail. This will out us... If they get the tapes, we are out...

''Detective, I'm a women of science. Every 'why' has it's 'because', so tell me why am I really here?''

He took a breath and asked the next question.

''Do you know her?''

Monique's photograph was on the table now.

''Yes, I know her pretty good. Her name is Monique Abrams, now it's Sanders. She is married to Anna Sanders, head of LGBTQ organization ''Hope''.''

''How do you know her?''

''Ana or Monique?''

''You know both of them?''

I nodded...

''How do you know Anna?''

''I know more OF her than her... We met on campus. She was with her friends in a bar that was rumored to be a gay bar... One of my close friends was trying to find out if this guy she was into is gay, so we went there. I noticed Anna surrounded with many girls.. She was attraction over there. All girls wanted her and she was a playgirl... She had them all. One night we were at the party together...''

''Interesting. And her wife?''

''I dated her for seven years.'''

Sam was in shock. _Yap, this one is gay too my darling...very gay..._

'' Do you recognize this photograph?''

It was a photo of Monique, Anna, victim and ME...

''It was from freshmen orientation. All the clubs were trying to attract young students to join them. Monique was the president of drama club. That was our senior year and she was so big, so important and everybody wanted to take picture with her. You can find her in over two hundred pictures from that event. It's even still on the university website as the most visited orientation ever. You have over 5 thousand pictures from the event... I believe that you would find some of them to be graced with my presence since I was the president of the science club. It's not that just Monique got attention. I was approached that day by many freshmen wanted to join. That picture was in front of the ''Hope's'' booth. Maybe she came to ask how to join or something. If she came for that she would have talked or even confided in someone who worked the booth. Monique and Anna were there all afternoon. I just came to give her food and spend some time with her. But I just got her to kiss me once or twice and eat her sandwich. People were coming to take pictures with her and Anna...I was there on accident. ''

''Were you jealous of the attention she got?''

''Not really. Never had time... I was in company of the dead too much to interact with alive. I believed I had no reason for that or for doubting her. She was my girl and that was only thing that mattered.''

''And how did it end?''

'' She got very angry when she learned about my decision to go into pathology... ''

''You are much younger than her? How it that possible that you already are one of the senior doctors?''

''It's simple.. I had a head start... I skipped for grades... I have very high IQ...''

''Miss Stewart... ''

''Doctor Stewart, detective...''

''We will have to check your alibi... You are someone who could performed slashing of that kind...''

''I said I have very high IQ, but not that I'm wonder woman...''

''What do you mean?''

'' I knew geography of Toronto just an hour after landing? I am capable of being at two places at the same time? I will make jour job easier for you... At the time of the murder I was with Sims and after that in the shop. Food is time stamped and I paid with credit card... And as for what I did after that...detective Nash saw me in the Penny that night where I was from ten to...maybe one...That is an alibi too. Oh, and the most important thing... You haven't read a word of my report... Killer is left handed, I'm not...I hope I can leave now?''

Tracy nodded and let me go. I had a feeling Gail will faint any time now...

''And for the night?''

''What? Who can confirm you didn't leave the house?''

''No need for that... They were already very dead when I was at home...''

''How do you know that?''

''That is my job to know detective... At the very crime scene I told detectives my estimate giving the liver temperature and rigor...It is all in my report... So... ''

I looked at Gail and Tracy. Gail was still pail, Tracy was trying to connect some dots in her head and detective Cocky was angry at me. It was taped, now entire department could see how he blew his big interrogation.''

''You can go...''

''Just don't go too far...''

''Just to the morgue... I have some work to do...''

I left the station and went back to the morgue. I got to my office and changed back to my uniform. Gail called me and I answered.

''What will we do now? If he goes and sees the tapes..''

''I don't know Gail... I'm thinking...There is nothing that can prove we are lovers. On the first night we were tipsy, but nothing outside of my apartment could suggest more than friends behavior. We were drunk. We laughed, we told jokes and in my apartment we had sex... I have no cameras in there... Other times you came with food and your uniform. We kissed before I opened the door so no one could tape that...''

''So, basically we were friends hanging out...?''

''On tapes, yes. Until you are ready to be more...''

''O.K. You gave me something to calm my nerves...''

''It's O.K. See you at mine?''

''I can't wait for this day to be over... Do you want me to order food or we can try to make some?''

''I don't care... I want to cuddle with you and beer...''

''I have feeling you prefer that beer officer...''

''Not really. I prefer my hot girlfriend over a ice cold beer.''

''Girlfriend? Oh, that's a news... You didn't tell me you have one...''

''What can I say... I'm a player... I always have someone...''

''Interesting officer... ''

''Yes it is... doctor...''

''I might steal your handcuffs officer and put them to good use... I would enjoy getting the juicy information about your girl and all the naughty stuff she likes...and does...''

''Stop... I can't do this now...''

''Why is that?''

''Because you are locked in your office and I am surrounded by too many people...''

''So, why don't you join me in my locked office?''

''You are serious?''

''This turned on, I never lie...''

''There in ten...''

She was here sooner than that. We locked the door and put my desk into some good use. I never did anything like this in my life. I always could separate work and pleasure but now... I was turned on by everything... My uniform, her uniform, the forbidden situation, dirty girl underwear we had on...ALL OF THAT WAS SO HOT. It didn't last long, but it was intense. She was putting her shirt back on when my phone rang. It was detective douche who called to apologize.

''That is nice of you..''

''You really had nothing to do with their murders…. You had your hands full… I saw the tapes… I heard some stories, but now to see it confirmed…''

''What are you talking about?''

''You and Peck….''

I had to get us out of that situation….

''We are friends…''

''little too close…''

''Not as close as you would apparently like us to be…''

''Fine, you are friends… I'll take your word on that….''

''Good bye detective…''

''Who was that?''

''Detective from this morning…. He took the tapes…''

''Oh, and he… he knows?''

''Yes, he does…''

''Shit!''

''I told him we are friends. It's too soon for us to come out as the couple. You and Nick just broke up… Too soon…''

We kissed. As usual, we could hardly keep it PG.

''Don't start something you can't finish officer…''

''I can finish….and so can you….''

''And I'm not ashamed of it… I like our little activities….''

''So do I my dr Hottie…''

She kissed me again and it was time for her to leave. She had to go back…

''Holly, I might get a little gift for you...tonight….''

''Can't wait to see that...''

When I came home, Gail was already in front of my building with a bag of food and a black bag. I was curious to know what did she get me.. We entered the apartment and she took the bags in the kitchen.

''So, what did you get me?''

'First, tell me where you a good girl today?''

''Not over the phone...and in the office…''

''I remember that part...''

''I know you do..''

I kissed her and started unbuttoning her shirt. I felt like I needed her right at that moment. Sex with her was like a drug. It was addiction I don't want to fight. She helped take off my shirt and just looked at me with some crazy hunger and desire. We ended up in the bedroom naked in a flash. I loved her wild side and I enjoyed her soft and gentle side as well. Her hair was on my face and it ticked me. I loved her with her hair down. She was so beautiful and sexy like that. But to me it had another meaning. I felt that with her hair down she was free in a way. I loved to feel it under my fingers. I was so beautiful and full. I was in her lap and we were kissing. She took off my favorite pen out of my hair and pulled her finger through it. It was longer than it was ever before. When it was out of the ponytail or bun it was to the middle of my back. My mother was part Asian, so I got that from her family. I have some characteristics of my mother's culture and origin. _My mother…_ I haven't thought about her in days… Gail got me distracted by kissing me and with putting her hands in my hair again… I loved when she did something like that.

''I love your hair… Even after all that crap and smell of the place you work at…you smell amazing…''

''Thank you…''

We spent the night sleeping so close to each other. I loved to feel her beside me. I loved the feeling of safety in her arms. I smiled…

''What…?''

''Nothing…''

''It's a lie… Talk to me…''

I turned to face her…

''I feel safe when I'm with you…''

''Of course. I have a gun…''

''Not because of that… You..you make me safe…''

She kissed me so gently and smiled at me…

''Let's sleep. We have work tomorrow very early…''

I fell asleep right away. I was happy… Alarm clock woke us up too early for Gail's liking. She was arguing with it in some unknown language only coffee could help decipher. We got out of my apartment and went to the car. I was sleppy, but also happy and full of energy. Am I falling in love with her that fast? Am I really putting all the Monique drama finally behind me? Oh, that felt good. New person, new city, new ideas, new life. Gail had some situation on the street so we didn't have lunch together at the time we planned. I got out just to get me some coffee and bagels. I was getting back to work when Chris came.

''Holly, I'm sorry for that interrogation...''

''It's fine... It had to come out some day. I just hope you will not tell anyone...''

''That you were questioned? Everybody knows and you are cleared...''

''Not that...''

I wanted to tell him, but a lab tech came with some results.

''This came for you...''

I opened the envelope and I found something interesting...

''All the baby DNA has the same source...''

''One father?''

''Yes... One father... They will try to match it to what is there in the criminal base ,if not... We start from scratch...''

Before he had time to say anything else Gail came with lunch. Chris was surprised and Gail was surprised to see him... I had to think of something fast...

''I'm sorry. In all the mess today, I forgot we made plans... ''

She noticed I wanted Chris gone so she kept playing the game...

''So, girl talk?''

''Yes... I need advice...''

''Girl talk with Gail? Oh, God... That is disaster...''

Gale gave him a look…

''Why?''

''She is not really someone helpful with that... You know she and I dated for some time. Always believed I was a problem, not her...''

''Maybe you were a problem?''

''No, I'm a man... I can keep the girl happy...''

''Obviously... ''

Gail had a small smile on her face... He had no idea we wanted him to leave.

''Officer, would you be so nice to leave us now...?''

''Is it something I could help with?''

''That would be amazing idiot...Go!''

He turned and was about to leave. Gail and I moved to my office and started unpacking our food. He came in bursting into my office...

''I came for a reason Holly...''

He took my hands and kissed me... I was stunned. Gail looked angry...

''Go out with me?!''


	7. Chapter 7

''You've got to be fucking kidding me?!''

''I like her Gail… And I finally decided to do something about it. I want to miss my chance…''

''Chris..''

''Yes, Holly?''

''I can't go out with you…''

''Why is that? Is it because of Gail?''

_He knew…. He knew…. He knew…._

''Yes, I'm sorry. I just didn't want to cause her any problems or troubles…''

''I don't get it… She never cared about me… I was just one more notch…''

''Oh, this is great… Gail the slut! Good job Diaz….''

''It's not YOURS history with Gail that is stopping me to go out with you….''

''That son of a bitch… First he nailed Gail, than Andy, then Gail again…. and now you….''

''What?''

''Nick? Really Holly? Nick?''

''What about Nick?''

''You have a thing for him?''

''No, I don't have a thing for him…''

''All women do…''

''Not me… Trust me, I have no interest in him…Never had…''

''They all say that….''

''I'm not just saying. I really do not consider him attractive… He is not my type…''

''And who is? Sam?''

''No, not Sam… I believe he is dating that Latina officer…. Cruz?''

Gail nodded…

''Oh, my God! It's Peck! You and Peck!''

_Gail went pail…. Now he got it and we didn't know what to do…_

''Please, don't tell anyone…''

''I can't believe you! That is low…''

He run out of the office and we just stood there frozen.

_The cat is out of the bag…_

Frank called them all for a drink after work. Gail wanted me to go with her but I didn't feel like it. He called people from the division and I respected that. I got home, cleaned up the mess we left this morning and found a bag with a present she got me last night. We were….we forgot about the present and this morning we were in a rush to get to work. I opened that bag and found tiny police uniform and handcuffs. _Someone__ has visited a sex shop…._ I loved that…. I was not in the mood for that so I decided to put it away for the more fitting moment. I got into my sweats and comfy shirt . My hair was up in a messy bun and I got my glasses. I was reading some articles on heart failures when I heard a knock…I got to the door and there was Tracy… She was crying.

''Detective Nash…What is going on?''

''How could you?''

She slapped me pretty hard…

''How could I what?''

''Sleep with him?''

''Him?''

''Steve..''

''Steve?''

''My fiancée, detective Peck….Gail's brother…''

''I didn't… I never met him…''

''Chris told us all that you confessed….''

It took me few seconds to remember the ''confession.''

''I'm with other Peck sibling…''

She looked confused…

''I'm gay… I haven't slept with a guy since I was in college…. And I never slept with any Steve in my life…''

It took her some time to process information she got…

''So, you and Gail?''

''Yes…''

''Oh, my God…I'm sorry. I'm so sorry….You are the girl from the bar?''

''Yes, I am…''

''Wait, you said Chris told you all about me and Peck…. Where is Gail?''

''No idea, probably explaining Steve why I returned the ring….''

''This is mess…''

I got my phone and called her. She answered.

''Holly… I can't talk now… There has been a mess….''

''Tracy is here…''

''Oh, see you soon…''

Awkward silence…

''Are you really dating or just sleeping together?''

''What?''

''Sorry. I overstepped…''

''I don't know what to say. It's complicated. We wanted to keep it under the radar for some time. We need it… I don't want her to be labeled as something bad because we are dating so soon after she and Nick split.''

''Holly, they know she is gay. They are looking closely to any relationship she may have with a woman… Sometimes I hear we are lovers. And it's not true…This has to end… For all of us… I almost lost a man I love because of this… You owe me…''

''So we should come out to all?''

''Yes…''

''Fine…''

I got up and went to the bedroom. I changed into something more apropriate and got back to Tracy…

''Let's do it…''

''Now?''

''Yes, now…''

We found Gail and Steve in front of the Penny. She was sad… Steve held her and she cried. I came and offered her my hug. She hugged me and I kissed her hair…

''Gail, what is wrong?''

''Nothing, Steve was nice to me…''

''Oh…''

I took her hand and looked at her…

''I'm done with letting people make assumptions about our life…Let's get it done with…''

I got into the Penny and got some dirty looks. I broke their friends engagement… I got to the stage and took the microphone…I was done with the looks and possible talks. If they had to talk, let them talk about something that was true…

''Since my love life is a new hot topic, I decided to put you out of your misery and tell you who I'm dating. ''

They all looked at me expecting to hear the confession…

''Chris heard right, but made very wrong interpretation. It is true that Peck and I are dating…. But I'm not dating Steve Peck. I'm dating Gail… So, to answer all of your questions… Yes, I am gay! Yes, I like her a lot and yes, she is absolutely mine and we are in committed relationship. Now, can we all get on with our life and be professionals and not some teen gossip queens? Thank you….''

Gail stood in front of me with an interesting smile…

''So, we are out?''

''Yes, out and proud…''

She gave me a quick peck on the lips and then we were approached by Nick…

''So, two of you?''

''Yes…''

''Since when?''

We said no more lies… So, here we go….

''The night I came… I'm the girl she picked up from the bar…''

''A one night stand is her?''

''Yes…''

He left the bas and we got some confused looks. They really wanted me to be with Steve so they would see some cat fight ,but it was all civil and clean… We got our things and got out of the bar. It was time to go home…

''Holly, would it be Ok if I slept at home. I want to talk to Diaz?''

''Sure… Call me…''

''I kissed her and went home. Too much drama for one night. I got to bed and it felt empty without her. But it also felt nice to know she will be back on her side maybe tomorrow, maybe sooner than that. It felt nice to know she would be back. I slept nice, but it was lonely in the morening. I just realised that since I came here I almost never slept without her. It was funny. I had late shift, so I called my dad to come and have breakfast with me. I made crapes and he made his famous hot chocolate.

''So, how are things with Gail?''

''Good, we are out, dating and I hope no more drama about it…''

''What drama?''

I told him what was happening and it made him laugh.

''Baby, your life is fun…''

''Not so much… I have new case and somehow Monique and her wife are involved.''

''Oh, no… Don't go back there. She is married and you have something new in your life and it's good.''

''Yes, it is good. It is grate…''

''Do you love her?''

I blushed…

''I might…''

''Then show that girl she is loved and leave Monique in the past… Ok?''

''Yes…''

My phone rang. I answered it and it was my intern. I had to go back to the morgue earlier than planned. There has been some mix up and they lost the results I needed. This was a disaster. My interns lost lab work for eighteen people. I wanted to kill them then and there. After hours and hours of searching we found them and one of the findings didn't make me happy. I had to go to Montreal and speak to Monique. One of the girls was her sister Stephanie.

''Gail, I have identified the girls. Some of them are from here, some are from another places…all over Canada… ''

''What is bothering you?''

''I knew one of the girls… She changed so much…''

''The girl form the picture?''

''No, another girl… She is my Monique's sister…''

''Your ex?''

''My ex… Is it OK if I tell her?''

''I guess…''

''See you later…''

''See you…''

I picked up my phone and called her. She didn't answer. I sent her a message it is urgent and she called back two hours later.

''Holly, we have been over this…. I'm married and happy…You are on speakerphone, Ann is listening too…''

''Mrs. Sanders, this has nothing to do with our previous connections. This is strictly professional. We need you and you wife to come to Toronto as soon as possible…''

''What is going on?''

''We found the body. Her prints identified her as Stephanie Abrams…''

''No! That is not possible… She is in Mexico… She is there with some friends… They are…. Are you sure?''

''Her prints match the body. We can do the DNA when you come… Can you come and identify her? I can release the body to you or your parents…. And bring Anna. There is another girl who had picture with us…It was taken on that day when we were promoting our clubs….Police wants to talk to her…too.''

''I'll be there… Thank you Holly…''

I heard Monique run to the room and slam the door. It was now just me and Anna on the phone.

''I'm sorry for the news I had to give…''

''Is that about that mass murder?''

''Yes, it is…. Maybe you know all of them… Maybe they came to ''Hope''?''

''Holly, we'll do all we can to help…''

''We'll give you a call when we come…''

''See you then.''

I came home and Gail was there with my dad. They played cards and waited for some food to be donne. They had great time together.

''Hi love, look who I found in front of the building….''

''Hi…''

I kissed my dad and then I kissed Gail. Dad was happy things worked out…

''How was your day?''

''Hell…''

''Why bee?''

''Monique's sister is one of the murdered girls…''

''Oh, poor girl…''

''She and Anna are coming here. They'll call when they arrive…''

''Where are staying?''

''No idea.. I spoke to them but M was not in state to plan a visit. I believe Anna will take care of the trip and hotels.''

''I never liked them, but…''

''I know…''

Gail was worried about me seeing Monique. I knew she was insecure sometimes.

''What are your plans for the day?''

''I'm off so we can do whatever you want….''

''I would love to go to bed any second now….''

''Oh…''

''I think I should leave…This is not conversation for an old dad….''

''I meant to sleep. I'm so tired…''

''And I'm naïve…''

He got up and left. Food was done so we had dinner. Half way through dinner I remembered I owed her something…

''Love, give me twenty minutes and then come to bedroom…''

''Oh, now I'm scared…''

''You should be…''

I got to the bedroom and opened my closet. Out of all Monique's things I kept one important thing… Thing I got her for her birthday but I never got the chance to give it to her. Now it came handy… I opened the wrap paper and got a box with very slutty over the knee high heel boots. I took a long shower and made very naughty plan for this evening. We were going to have some fun tonight! I put on the uniform she bought me, boots and got pretty naughty lace underwear .My hair was it a tight bun, my make up perfect and I put her favorite perfume. My girl is going to have fun tonight… I opened my secret draw and got my own handcuffs…

''Gail, come to the bedroom….''

There was no answer… I got out of the room and found her doing the dishes… She was deep in her thought when I came behind her…

''Officer Peck, are you ready to rapport for duty?''

She turned and dropped the plate she was washing….

''Wholly shit! Wow!''

''So, are you?''

''Oh, yes I am…''

I took her hand and kissed her… She grabbed my butt and lifted my short skirt.

''Lace… I love it…''

''I know… That's why it's there…''

''Officer Stewart, I'm not sure we'll make it to the bed…''

''Doesn't matter… We will someday….''

That night we didn't make it to bed until four in the morning… But we were efficient in other rooms of my apartment. It was my turn to be on the kitchen counter and she did love the living room floor. She gave a lot of positive insights on having a worm carpet in front of the fire place… When we finally made it to the bed, I got to handcuff her to it… She was surprised. I distracted her and she didn't feel me doing it… I liked her when she loses control and has to let go. Because those were the moments she had to trust me and we were still practicing that trust…. Her eyes were different. She looked at me like she was begging not to be hurt. She loved control because she could make distance between her and other person…. I never had problem with letting someone else take charge or control over our time together in any way. I believe in sex I was very flexible and curious partner to let others take charge and give ideas where our little activity might go.

''Look at me… I will not hurt you…''

''Please, don't…''

''I promise…''

I kissed her body like it was the most precious thing in the world. I kissed her and I felt her relax and surrender to me. I wanted her to feel good about us , about herself and about what is developing between us. She was my best friend and lover… And no Monique and past could take that away.. I settled between her tights and started kissing her stomach and going lower. I was so turned on by the sounds she was making that it took me a lot of will power not to free her hands and let her have her way with me. I knew she would eventually, but not now. Now it was her turn to be given pleasure…

''Holly…. Stop teasing… Please…''

I smiled at her… I did a good job….

''As you wish officer…''

I kissed her inner tight and finally reached the destination…her wet dripping center…. As soon as I went down on her she made very satisfied sound…

''You have no idea what are you in for as soon as I am out of these cuffs…. ''

''I can't wait…''

It took her few minutes to come… and she did very hard… I was proud of myself… She took some time to recover… I freed her hands but she couldn't move…

''I'm not sure if I love or hate you now….''

I kissed her… She loved kissing after sex… She loved tasting herself on me… She loved a lot of things about our sex life…

''Gail, I love you…''

''After this orgasm I love you too..''

''I'm serious…''

She changed her expression. She was not laughing anymore…

''Holly, I think I feel the same… But please don't ask me to say it that soon… I'm afraid it….we will jix it…''

''OK…''

We kissed some more and then she cuddled into me and we fell asleep. Tomorrow was our day off and we had all the time in the world just for us.


	8. Chapter 8

I woke up to an empty bed. I checked the bathroom and it was empty. It was not usual for us to leave the bed if we knew we had a day off. I found her in the living room dressed and with facial expression I couldn't reed.

''Is everything O.K.?''

''I don't know. We had a physical exam yesterday. We gave blood and all the things and they want to see me tomorrow…''

''O.K. And they said nothing?''

''No, it's probably just my anemia… I had some problems with that all my life.. I will have to change my diet , add some supplements and it will be fine…''

''Then, let's make good lunch today. Meat, vegetables and all the things you need…''

''I love it when you are in a mommy mood.''

''Let me get dressed and we can go to the supermarket.''

''Fine…''

I turned to go back to the room when she stopped me.

''And my good mourning kiss?''

''Sorry, how could I forget..''

I kissed her and then got back to the bedroom. I changed very fast and made list of all things we would need. Gail drove to some supermarket she loved more than mine and I teased her she became very domesticated… We were putting things in the cart when she went crazy and put five tubs of chocolate ice cream.

''Gail? That much?''

''Please… I MUST eat it… I dreamt about it…''

''Ok, but five of them?''

''We might have someone over who likes it too?''

''We?''

''Ok, you…''

''No, I liked that ''we''….''

''Don't give me that look nerd… Keep shopping….''

I got her some nice read meet, peppers, beans , tomatoes , everything I could remember she liked…

''I'm allergic to tomatoes…''

''I'm not… I love them…. And I know about your allergy.''

''Ok, just checking…''

During our shopping time my phone rang. It was Anna.

''Hey…''

''Hey, we arrived an hour ago. We are at the hotel… When can we meet so Monique could hear what is going on and identify Stephanie?''

''In two hours? I will send you the address of the morgue…''

''See you there…''

I hung up with a weird feeling in my stomach.

''Baby, are you Ok?''

''That was Anna. They are here. They will be in the morgue in two hours…''

''OK. We'll meet them there…''

''Yes…''

This would be the first time I see her after eight months…I was nervous. Gail called Tracy and Sam and told them about Anna and Monique. They said they would be in the morgue too. Gail and I got to the morgue before they came. I had to change and get the right body for them to identify. I was nervous and Gail became aware of that.

''Are you OK?''

''I don't know….''

''Hey, it will be fine…''

''I never wanted to see her again like this… Standing over her sister's body. No matter how hurt I was, this was never what I wanted…''

''I know…''

She held me and we were interrupted by a cough… Monique… I knew it was her…

''Let's do it…''

I led her to the room and uncovered the body. Her face was still and she was silent…

''Uncover her some more…''

''M, I'm not sure it is a good idea… We had to open her… She has incision all over her front…''

''Fine, then look for a birthmark shaped like heart on her tight….''

I did what she told me and it was not there…

''It is there…''

''O.K. That is my sister. I hoped it was not her…''

''Is there a reason why you asked about the birth mark?''

She looked at Gail with disgust….

''I didn't know that just because she is your girlfriend she can be here and ask questions. That is a change from a year ago…I believed you could lose your job for sharing information with..others…''

''She can ask… She is an officer working on the case…''

''It's nice to know that this job hasn't killed your love life…''

''No, it has actually made it better…. This is my girlfriend, officer Gail Peck and these are Monique and Anna Sanders…''

''A cop? You are dating a cop?''

''Yes, I am… Why?''

''Just asking… You always made feel so inferior with your science talk and I am college educated….''

I wanted to say something, but Gail got in first…

''Well, we just started dating… We don't talk much, unless it's dirty talk…''

''She? Oh, God… Since when?''

''Since she has amazing sex…''

She kissed me and went to the door.

''I have to see where Sam and Tracy are…''

''We'll be here…''

Anna decided to speak.

''So, what do you know about the murders?''

''We know almost nothing. All the, let's call them femme girls were eight weeks pregnant and the butch girls were placed with one of them. Before we did the examinations, we believed they were boys. We did all the tests, they were not in transition, we talked to some sex change clinics and they didn't recognize them as the patients. Missing people data base didn't give many options and we found Stephanie's prints because she was arrested for prostitution five months ago. Apparently, she never left the state. We asked after you told me about that Mexico trip. She never crossed the border. ''

''She wrote from there..''

''Letters? Postcards?''

''Jesus, Stewart! It's 21st century… She sent e mails…''

''And I can send you an email standing with you saying I'm in China…Does that mean I'm in China Abrams?''

''It's Sanders now…''

''Monique, stop it! You are right Holly…We have no proof she was in Mexico or even left Canada.''

''Holly, you mentioned other girls…''

''Yes, detectives will give you the pictures…''

''O.K.''

''Wait… You said word pregnant…. Was she pregnant?''

''Yes, she was… She was eight weeks pregnant… And babies had the same father…''

''Who is it?''

''No hits in the data base.''

''Oh, my parents know nothing about this…''

''O.K. we will not call them until you tell them.''

Sam and Tracy came with pictures and all the things they found. Anna talked mostly and told them that she doesn't remember the girls, but they could contact her associates and they would spread the pictures and ask the people who come to ''Hope'' about the girls.

''I can't help a lot. Now I'm the office person. Chasing money, sponsors opportunities. I'm not on the streets with the others anymore. I don't know the faces anymore..''

''Thank you Anna. We will send things to you for you to spread…''

We said good bye and they left. Sam turned to me and asked me a question that was already on my mind.

''Is it possible that all of them lied about going somewhere?''

''I don't know. I had the same question for you..''

Tracy was writing something and Gale just sat in the back very silent…

''What's on your mind…''

''I don't like your ex..''

''She doesn't like you ether….''

''I know… But you do…''

I kissed her…

''I do…You are a lucky one Peck… I like you a lot…''

''You love me Stewart… You said so…''

''I do… I do…''

''Let's spend the rest of our day off far from here and these stories.''

We got to my place and ended up back in bed where we spent most of the day. Our phones were off and our attention completely on us. We talked about some crazy things, she made us lunch and I made chocolate cake and cookies she loves. It was very domesticated in my place and I loved it. It became home when she was there. We took a nap in front of the fireplace and before going to sleep she made us hot chocolate with marshmallows. In the morning she went to the lab and I went to work. I had some exhumations of do and I didn't like that very much. That lady was dead over twenty years and you can find a lot of unpleasant surprises after that time. Her family believes she was poisoned by ex husband and his mistress, now wife and somehow they got the warrant and I had to do it. After so many tests and examinations of the remains I was finally ready for a brake and lunch. I called Gail, but she didn't answer. Whole day I haven't heard anything from her. I got home and she was there, sitting on the sofa with red eyes. I left my bags on the floor and got to her. I took her hand and kissed her…

''Babe, what is going on?''

''You are going to hate me…''


	9. Chapter 9

''You are going to hate me..''

''Hate you? What is going on?''

''I'm leaving for six months. I got few hours to say good bye and I'm gone.''

''Where?''

''No idea… Nick and me are going undercover and..''

''Ouch…''

''That's the ''hate me'' part… We applied almost a year ago and never got the reply.''

''How much time do we have?''

'' Tomorrow at six they are picking me up…''

I took her hand and turned my phone off…

''Then, let's use this time best way we can….''

She smiled at me but I saw her eyes were full of tears she never dared to cry.

''You will be fine… You will come back in one piece and tell others how amazing job you did. You will tell them how grate you were and how many butts you kicked.. And you will come back to me in one piece so I could love you even more than now… Do you hear me Peck?''

''I always obey my doctor's orders…''

''Good girl…''

We spent entire day and night in bed. We made love, cried, made love again and it was time for her to leave. I missed her from the moment she left, but I had to put myself together before I left for work. In first few weeks I lived at work. I couldn't sand to be at home and me reminded of her and time together. Steve was calling whenever he had some news. I was grateful for that. Sometimes he sneaked some of her letters and I kept them all in a special Gail box. She wrote how much she misses me , loves me and how she can't wait to come home to me. I gave letters to Steve with almost similar content. I missed her like crazy. Steve would sometime come to my house or just call so we could talk about her. And then he stopped calling and I was under impression they were all avoiding me. It was more than six months and I had no information about her. One of the girls from the office was getting married and we were all invited for dinner and drinks. It was nice place and we had fun. I liked some of these girls. They were so full of life and gave me strength to get up at the morning. We were celebrating also the progress on the mass murders. Police found trace leading to some extreme Christian organization and one of their members who had history in hurting prostitutes. Also, some of the other girls were prostitutes or had history with prostitution. Police followed that lead and there was something big about to happen. During our dinner four couples came in. I noticed that one of the wives was Gail. It was a surprise to see her, but even bigger surprise was the fact that she was very handy with Nick. They seemed like real couple. She froze when she noticed me. We couldn't say or do anything because they were leaving and she noticed me then. I noticed something different about her. I could have sworn she was pregnant… She and Nick were back on and she was pregnant…. I was broken and hurt and disappointed at everyone. I knew all of her friends knew and no one said anything… I started living at work and when I was home, I made sure to remove all the items that reminded me of her. I got to travel a lot to Montreal so I spent a lot time with Anna and Monique. One night I went with Monique to dinner and we ended up in bed. It was better than ever. I was surprised with how much Gail changed and liberated me. I was the one who was in charge of the bed activities and M was literary breathless. We kept sleeping together whenever one of us was in town… It was just to kill this loneliness and emptiness. When I was drunk, Gail was all I could think of… It went for months like that…. I worked, slept with Monique and cried over Gail…. After some time I couldn't even sleep with her anymore. I lost interest in everyone who had pulse. She was angry again for me choosing the dead over her again, but I didn't care. She had Anna to care…That was my life. I felt so bad about everything in my life and I needed a change… Big change. I found in science journal option to participate in a project in Argentina. They needed forensic pathologist without family available for five years… I wrote to them, sent my CV and got the job… My father was sad, but understood that I need change and time to find my way again. I packed my bags and left without thinking twice. I had nothing to keep me in Canada. The only person I loved, had another life and was happy… I had nothing…

Argentina was crazy. We worked like there is no tomorrow and in that group I found same people as I am. We all came here because we were hurt by someone we loved. We had to live day by day and I survived. I missed my old life and part of me wanted to go back to Canada, but on the other had I had to be far from her and her new happy life… I met someone there. Her name was Maria Helena Morales. She was pathologist from Argentina and she came there after her partner of ten years left her for some young girl. She was in her forties, but trust me, they were top forties. She had long dark hair, caramel skin and beautiful big brown eyes. I had amazing connection with her. We started dating after seven months of friendship and we were happy. I married her at a small beach in Argentina bare foot and very happy. She was such a nurturing person and I loved being with her. She healed me of all my pains and disappointments. She made me feel alive and light. Every night we would have glass of vine at the beach and walk for hours talking about some trivial things.

''Do you miss home?''

''Sometimes… I miss my dad… But I love it here….''

''What will we do when the project ends? Do you stay here? We move there? Live here and there?''

''Maybe we can find the new project to work on together….''

''I don't know. I'm not a nomad… I like having a home and going back to it. You like the adventure Holly. You came here…''

''Yes, I did… I had to..''

''Liked the project that much?''

And the time for truth came…

''No, I had to get away….''

''oh…''

And then the silence…

''Was her name Gail?''

I froze…

''What?''

''Was…her….name….Gail…?''

''Yes, how do you know?''

''You still call her name when you sleep. Usually when you have nightmares…''

''We dated for very short time, but…''

''She was special…''

''Yes, she was something different. If she didn't have that undercover case, I do not know where and how would we end up…''

''You loved that girl?''

''Yes, I fell for her so fast…''

''You still do…''

''Mari…She has a child, a family with a man she left for me and I'm done with that… We have our life and it's amazing. I love our life…''

''But do you love me?''

''Yes, very much.''

''More than her?''

''Different than her…''

She looked at me wanting more answers.

''You make it all easy…. It's easy to be with you. You know what you want and have such contagious optimism. You work surrounded with violence and death, but even there you are so full of life. With you I don't miss home. I am home…''

She wanted us to have a family and that made me remember Gail. Her child would be two or little bit more now. I missed her, but I had different life and someone new. I told her that it would be amazing to have a baby. She decided to carry and I respected it. It was important to her. I still had time to get pregnant and her time was pretty limited. We did about four inseminations and there were no results. I told her I'll do the fifth, but she asked me to give her one more chance. She had a good feeling about that one. I gave in. She was inseminated and we were waiting for something to happen. At the same time, we got some mass grave to work on and I forgot about it all. We had to identify over seventy bodies that were there over eighty years. Argentineans looked at each other with a knowing look but us, foreigners, no idea what this pail of bones was. They told us that there was some secret political mass assassination in the twenties, but no one dared to mention it because the top of the state was in it. She was working the night shift and I went home. I had to get some rest. I was so tired that I believed I would end up as one of the bodies. In the middle of the night I've got a phone call to come to work the crime scene. I arrived there and the sight was horrible. There was twenty bodies and so much casings and blood everywhere. Some police officers were shot and some of the gang members too. Bodies were covered with sheets and when I lifted one of them I saw my wife. She was shot on the case. Gang came back to pick up the drugs and they shot police officers and her. It was brutal. She had over thirty gunshot wounds and at the time, I wasn't sure how long did it take for her to die. I stopped being pathologist, I was just a wife looking at her spouse in the pool of blood. I felt so mush hate for her killer(s). Last memory I had of my wife was her on the table and me doing the autopsy because no one else was there. I had to cut open someone I love and describe in smallest details how someone hurt her and killed her. It was difficult just looking at her, saying what actually happened and how long it took her to die was a torture. The hardest blow was the fact I had to determine she was pregnant… She was twelve weeks pregnant… I couldn't sleep in our bed. I came home that morning and couldn't sleep there. Her side smelled of her. Her night gown was on the bed waiting for her to come and change for sleeping. It took me two days to sleep in our bed alone. It felt almost as it felt that day Gail left. Only difference was that Gail could come back, but Mari…She would never come back. Our story was done. It ended in the worst possible way. Since I was the only living relative, I decided to cremate her and spill the ashes on the beach in front of our house. So, I took ''her'' for a walk like we used to do every night and spilled the ashes. I felt so empty, sad and dead from inside. I lost my partner, wife, friend, safety belt, common sense. It took two weeks to end all the legal things and after that I packed my bags and went back to Canada. Sims was retiring because his wife was terminally ill so he decided after forty years of marriage to be a good husband to her. They suggested that I take his place as chief pathologist. I didn't want it but I took it anyway…My dad was happy to see me, but very sad for what happened. He liked my wife and they had so much fun when he was visiting. He loved fishing so she took him to best places to fish and spend days with him fishing and making amazing meals out of their catch. It was weird feeling to come home. I came back to a life I wanted to leave behind and now I had to face all my demons at once… My dad made dinner and we had to have the talk.

''Baby, you know that you might see some people you…''

''I know… Trust me I know everything…''

''How do you feel?''

''Tired…. I'll go to bed… Good night….''

_It felt weird to sleep in this bed. I looked at my hand… Should I remove my wedding ring? Should I tell anyone about Mari? What should I do tomorrow? I would work with people I know again and they will have a lot of questions…_

Dressing for work made me sick. I had so many reasons not to work here again, but I was back and back in style. I got my new badge, work phone and I was ready to go back in the game. I was surprised to see that all of my coworkers were late. I was greeted by young receptionist who was in state of panic.

''Are you here as pathologist?''

''Yes…''

''Oh, God… I need you to go to this crime scene. There was a murder and they can't work the scene without someone form this office releasing the body….No one is here… We are waiting for the new boss. I heard she worked here, but left for some reason. I don't know. You hear a lot of stories about people. Sometimes, they are weird….''

She gave me the paper with address..

''I'll do it…''

''May I ask you name?''

''Stewart, Dr. Holly Stewart….''

And then it clicked to her…

''Oh, crap!''

My first day back and first day on top position. I was not greeted by my staff, only person in the department has no idea who I am…. _You are good Holly_….

I stopped in front of very fancy building. This seemed like something that could interest the press. I didn't like it. I hated press. I entered the house and was greeted with young police officer.

''The victim is in the living room…''

''Madam, the pathologist came…''

''Let her in…''

When I got there, I had surprise of my life. Gail, Steve and Nick were standing there with a blond beautiful women who had Gail's eyes…

''Holly…''


	10. Chapter 10

''Holly…''

And there they are… The Brady bunch… All of them looking at me… The room was full of cops, and other people doing their job. It was not time and place for any heart to heart.

''I'm sorry Mrs. Peck.''

I came to the body and took my gloves out. He was dead for twelve hours. CoD was stabbing. He was stabbed ten times and his troth was slit. I had to control my reaction to the stabbing and all the blood. I gave them my first findings and told them that I'll be in touch. I got up from the floor and noticed a picture of Gail, Nick and their son on the fire place. There was Steve's and some girls wedding picture, but no Gail's. I shook Mrs. Peck's hand and told her I'm sorry for her loss again.

''Thank you Dr. Stewart….''

She looked at my hand and saw my ring.

''Oh, I see you are married…''

''I am…''

I looked at them. Steve was looking at his father's body, Nick was holding Gail and she looked at me like I killed her father…

''I'll walk you out…Dr. Stewart….''

''No need Miss Peck…I can find my way….''

I have no idea how I drove to work. I locked myself in the office and cried like a baby. I don't know why I cried. Was it because I saw her? Saw all of them again? Saw the baby picture? I was feeling bad. Then I remembered I had no time and space to feel this. I had a job to do and morgue to run. I changed into my uniform and went to do the autopsy. Some of my old friends were there and absolutely stunned to see me there and especially to learn who the new boss is.

''Holly, I can't believe you are here… And doing the autopsy on Gail's father…. Media called, cops called…''

''In here he is just one more of the bodies. I have no intention to treat this case different than any other. Who is first for today?''

''Well, we believed you would do general Peck…''

''Was he the first body on the list?''

''We put him to be first…''

''Why?''

''Because he is general Peck… We believed he should be first and with your connection to the Pecks…''

''What connection?''

''You used to date his daughter…''

''And?''

''Nothing…''

''That's what I thought so…''

I worked on him first anyway. It took me four hours to finish. I wanted it done so good that no one could say anything about my work or pull the ''dated the Peck'' card at me. My conclusion was that he was probably killed by a woman who could handle her knife and opponent. Someone with police or military training. I called detectives in charge and told them to come to morgue. Of course, Steve and Gail came with them. I gave them my view on things and they said nothing. Steve was angry, and Gail was silent…

''He had an affair. She was working with him… Also highly ranged in the military…''

''Your mother knew?''

''I believe she did, but they had to keep poster marriage going…''

''I guess that has sense for some people…''

''Is your marriage good?''

''It was… I was married to amazing woman…''

''What happened?''

''What?''

''You said was, so I'm asking….''

''How long did it take for you to sleep with him?''

''What?''

''You and Nick…''

''I had to…. We were being under surveillance in the house… But you had that in all the letters….''

''Letters? I only got two of them…''

''It's not possible…. I wrote to you for almost a year… I never got your answer after the first one…''

''I never got any of the letters after the second one….''

''We have to talk… I understand that you are married and all, but I just don't want you to hate me. I have to tell you all. I'll come and see you where you want to talk….''

''Come to my place.''

''She wouldn't mind?''

''No, she…. She is not here…''

''Ok. See you around nine…''

''Fine…''

She left and I was left angry and disappointed. Who did this to us? Who hid the letters? I finished at work around seven and went home. At nine she was there and I let her in. She entered the apartment and looked around.

''Nothing has changed around here…''

''I didn't have much time to redecorate…''

''Well, now you will have to do it with your wife…''

It hurt when she mentioned her.

''Holly, are you happy in your marriage?''

''We were immensely happy. She made me feel again. I was so angry and hurt after seeing you pregnant and not knowing anything about you for months… I left to Argentina and worked and met her.''

''Where is she now?''

''Dead…''

She seemed surprised by my answer.

''She was killed in a drug bust gone wrong….''

''A cop?''

''A pathologist…''

''How then?''

''She was working the crime scene when the gang came back to pick up the drugs. She and some cops were killed. She was shot thirty times…''

''God, that's cruel.''

''I had to do the autopsy and learn that she was pregnant for about three months… She wanted to surprise me after her first trimester ended…''

I was on the verge of tears. She got up from the sofa and came to me. She hugged me and held me in her arms. I cried like never before. All that was bottled up inside me went out.

''What hurts the most is that they will never pay for her death. I believe that gang works for someone powerful and that she and those cops were just planned casualties. ''

''It will not hurt less if you think like that. Cherish what you had…''

I got away from her and started walking around the apartment.

''We are here because you had something to say…''

Yes, I have a lot to say….''

We took a big breath and she started…

''We got the tip that someone has the camera in the house. Since we were ''newlyweds'' we had to behave accordingly. I made mistake writing you the letter and someone saw that. We were faced with great danger, so he lied I was pregnant and writing to a close friend to tell her that. They bought it, so I had to get pregnant in order to survive. I was ready to go back to you when it all ended. I came here to hear you left and got married. I had to respect that. I supposed she was the reason you never answered my letters.''

''I never got them…''

She stood by the window and just looked outside…

''I can't believe someone made us suffer so much just for fun of it… I wanted to die when I heard you were gone and married.''

''So did I when I saw you pregnant…and with a ring..''

''It was just a prop…''

''I didn't know that…''

''So what now?''

''I don't know…''

''Who handled the letters?''

''Nick, Steve…''

I just nodded…She caught it…

''I didn't think of that one… I was so stupid… I promise Holly, I wrote and didn't stop thinking of you regardless of the fact you jumped back in bed with Monique right after I left…''

''What?''

''I know you and Monique revisited the past…''

''How?''

''Nick told me he heard it from Steve. Someone saw you with her…''

''Yes, but after you had the baby bump on display in the restaurant…''

''What?''

''Yes, we started sleeping together after you got pregnant…''

''Oh, I … I was told differently…''

''No surprise there…''

''You know. I wrote in one of the letters that I want out of the operation. I wanted you to get me out, and I was so hurt you did nothing….''

''And your mama and Steve got big bust out of it… Mama Peck had to parade solved case and the future grandson…''

''Holly, do you think they kept the letters and stopped me from living?''

''No idea…. But if they did, they have screwed up our lives big time…''

''My mom was happy I'm having a baby with Nick. She tried to have us married, but I said no. I hoped to see you again…''

She came close to me and kissed me…It was very tender kiss. Kiss to assure me she is there.

''I missed you…''

''I missed you too…''

We kissed again. It was more heated this time. It was a real, hungry kiss. My body craved her, but I was so afraid to let her get to close. As it usually happens, my body betrayed me. I slept with her that night. It felt like coming home. I was so scared and so into it at the same time. I wanted her bad. I needed her… She was in my bed again, on her side , her hair all over my dark sheets and her eyes looking at me as I remember they always did. It felt so good to have her here…

''Gail, I need some time… I need to adjust to being here and learning all that you told me. Will you take it slow with me?''

She smiled…

''I think we are pass the slow…''

''I know. This shouldn't have happened…''

''Holly…''

''I don't regret it…I just think we should go slow…''

''Anything you need…just don't go again…''

''I'll give my best…''


	11. Chapter 11pt1

Sex with Gail was a mistake. It didn't solve anything. We still had same problems we had before and I didn't want to get pulled in so easily. I needed reassurance before I let her in again. I left her in bed and went back to the morgue. I needed place to think. I had to get my life in line before I think about new relationships or any new person. I missed my wife. She always could offer good advice and calm me. I know that it doesn't say a lot of nice things about me to think about her after having sex with a woman she knew I loved, but I did. I was thinking about what would she advise me to do. As I usually do, I searched for escape in my work. This time it didn't involve cutting into someone but making plan how to improve this department. I made them such precise work chart and possible sanctions if their performance is not satisfying. Of course, writing about satisfying performance brought us back to thinking about Gail. People started to arrive around nine. They were all in a good mood, smiling, having fun and it was getting on my nerves. I called them all for a meeting.

''I believe some of you haven't met me yet. My name is Dr. Holly Stewart and I'm your new boss. I remember that working under dr. Sims could sometimes seam like vacation, but I can assure you that it will not be like that anymore. I want you all working at eight. It says that you have eight hours shift, you get prayed for that and yet deliver much less hours. It will not work like that anymore. I want this place to run like Swiss watch. You don't arrive here at eight, you ARE working already. On the board will be list of people who would be working extra hours because of their slacking. And to answer your question you don't dare to ask..No, you will not be paid extra. You would be working for the money you received and didn't work. One more thing…. In here, there are no VIP bodies. Everybody is the same. I don't care who is on the table, at that moment person you work on is VIP. If you don't give me your best, I have no problem with letting you go. I need people who want to work, not slack. Questions?''

I don't remember this kind of silence ever. No one said a thing. They were lost for words and in absolute shock, including people who worked with me before I left. They were silent and looking at me with surprise and some fear.

I was having some problems with documents when someone knocked at my door. It was Gail. She came with coffee and some food.

''Hey…''

''Hey..''

''I brought food…and coffee.''

''Thank you… I needed to eat something….''

''Can we talk about last night?''

''I'm not sure if we have something to talk about?''

''Holly… Please… Don't do that…''

''What?''

''Be the cat instead of me…''

''I can't be the cat… Someone cut our tree.''

''Maybe just some branches…but the roots and the body are still there…''

''Gail, last night… It was a mistake. It can't happen again?''

''What? Why?''

''My life fell apart four weeks ago. I lost someone I loved very deeply and I came back into this chaos. Do you really expect me to start dating you that soon?''

She didn't like where this was heading…

''Just because we tried to clear some things out doesn't mean we are getting married tomorrow and living a perfect life. We are not the same people we were before. We changed… Things in our lives changed…. I didn't want you to leave, get pregnant and not see you for so long. I didn't want to escape my pain and marry someone else and have a nice life with that person just to lose her….I didn't want any of these things but they happened…''

''What do you want me to do?''

''Give me time to breath… Give me time to come to terms with my loss and all the other things we have to deal with regarding your letters and things that happened.''

''How much do you need?''

''I don't know.. We will have to see each other at work. You would be coming here to get your info and that's fine. But please, out of work… I need to recover and get myself together.''

''Than, give me a call when you are ready.''

It took me six months to call her. I wanted to do it much earlier, but I couldn't. I needed to be ready and to trust myself with her again. I never stopped loving her, but I stopped trusting her. I still had my doubts about that story about letters and her closeness with Nick. One night after work I went to buy food and run into Tracy. We haven't spoken since I left and this was our chance. I invited her back to my place and made us dinner.

''I'm sorry for your wife. Gail told me…''

''How is she?''

''She is being Gail… Fighting a war against her mother and Nick about the wedding, raising Damian and trying to be the best detective possible…''

''She never lacked ambition…''

''No, just support…''

''Yeh, mama Peck doesn't seam like person for that job…''

''No, she is piece of work…''

''What happened to you and Steve?''

''I'm not sure if I should talk about this…''

''You can trust me…''

''I learned he helped you mom get rid of some letters Gail wrote to you…''

''So, they do exist…''

''They are burned now…''

''Why would they do that?''

''I don't know. I believe there is always a battle inside of us making us choose between job and feelings. Is she going to be the best cop and please her mother or give it all up for you… That was very unfair to both of you… That's why I left. And their mother never liked me. She treated my soon pretty badly and that's not a family I want to have. I want Leo to be loved. ''

''I understand….''

''I know…''

'' He is sixteen, he is acting weird… I think he is in love…''

''That's nice…''

''In love with his best friend…''

''And, that's complicate…''

''It gets better…''

''Oh?''

''Best friend is a boy, a basketball star of the school…''

''Crap! Seams someone is about to get his heart broken….''

''And maybe some bones… That scares me…''

I took her hand. There is no way you can say someone who knows how teenagers can be cruel that no one is going to pick on him for being gay. But I had to give her something.

''I know. It's not easy especially if he is with the popular kids…They can be bad, I saw it, you saw it.. But, that's life and his experience. Maybe he doesn't get it that hard because he is a basketball star, he is a good student and in some way popular. If he needs someone to talk to, give him my number. I'll be glad to see him again and have a little chat…''

''You will be of more help than me. It's something you experiences….''

''So did you… Falling in love is the same for all. Only difference is that some people fall in love with the same gender so the sex talk can get awkward….''

She started laughing so much that she started crying…

''Holly, don't go there… No sex talk… He is sixteen…''

''That's how old you were when he was born….''

Her smile faded…

''Yes, I was… It sesames so long time ago…''

''When is Ok to stop worrying about him?''

''I think never… You are his mom… You will always worry…''

''I guess you are right…''

''I am so scared for him…''

''Tracy, it's ok to be scared because no one is safe. In our line of work we see and hear a lot of not so nice things. The fact you know so much about streets and people on them is advantage you have. You can tell him that you support him and give him all your love and support. He has to fight for his place in this world. I'm a fighter Tracy and being gay has never stopped me form anything. I made them see me as a brilliant doctor, as a person, not as a label… Show him there is more than label…''

''Speaking of labels… Will you ever give her a call. Girl is staring at that phone for six months…''

''Tracy…''

''No, call her. I can see you miss her as much she misses you…''

''It's complicated….''

''It's Gail… Things are always complicated…''

''Yes, very complicated…''

''Thank you for the drink and the talk… I should get going….''

''See you Tracy….''

She went and I spent two hours staring at my phone. I was thinking about all the good and bad reasons to call or not to call. I made long list in my head and remembered what Tracy said. She would give it all up just to be with me… I had couple of shots before I dialed her number…. She answered and all I could say was the worst possible line…

''Spend the night with me…''


	12. Chapter 12

She came. It took us few minutes to end up in bed. We didin't talk, we just did the most incredible things to each other. I forgot how good it feels in her arms and I felt good and alive after very long period of time. I woke up before her. I couldn't stop looking at her. It was like someone managed to turn back time. It was like one of the nights she would spend at my place after work. She slept like an angel and I was so taken by her presence.I just looked at her. It still made me angry to think about our life and how we got screwed. Who hid our letters and worked on separating us? Some names popped in my head…. Nick? Mama Peck? Steve?

''Do you ever stop to give that brain of yours some time do rest?''

''Hey, you woke up?''

''Yes, I could hear you think….''

''I'm sorry…''

''What is going on in your mind?''

''Honestly, a lot of things….In less than a year I lost my wife, baby and found you… These events were too big and stressful to happen on such a short notice…''

''I know. I couldn't believe you came to my mother's house to get my dad's body…. When you entered I was in shock….''

''Me too. It wasn't easy seeing you after all that time, especially with him all over you..''

''I hardly remember that. It was so hard to see him like that…''

''Who found him?''

''Mom. It was time for breakfast. They always eat together. He came to eat with her. The help always had to see them together. They kept illusion of a perfect marriage.''

''Why?''

''Because mama Peck doesn't do failures…''

''Oh, and divorce would be one?''

''One big and public epic fail of mama Peck…''

''That is sad..''

''It is. And that is one of the reasons I didn't want to marry Nick…''

''Then or now?''

That question made her smile…

''Both times…''

''Hm…''

''Then I had you. You gave me new prospective to life, love and relationships with people. You made me feel loved for all that I am and we know I can be a handful. ''

''Oh, yes… WE know…''

''Hey!''

She slapped my hand and kissed me.

''I couldn't marry someone I don't love. I was in loveless relationships before. I tried to make them work but I lost myself along the way. If I get married, I want to do it for love…''

''That is a good reasoning….''

''Why did you?''

''What?''

''Marry her?''

I took a deep breath. I didn't know where to start from. I had many reasons to marry Maria Elena. She was amazing and much different than my usual type of women.

''She fixed me… She gave me reasons to smile, made me happy, and gave me safety….''

''All that I took away..''

''Gail, you must understand that at that time I was not good. I overworked myself. I believed you got back with Nick and I had no idea what was going on. I respect your job and I know it's not an easy one. I know I wanted to die every time you got out of that door. I knew who I dated and I knew the risk of you having to leave and become someone new different for your undercover work. I knew all that and it was hard to see you pregnant and assume you are married to him.''

''I know…. It felt bad when I learned you and Monique have been revisiting the past. I even saw you one night… I managed to sneak out for the night. I saw you having sex in the living room. ''

''I'm sorry…''

She took my hand and kissed me.

''I am too. But now we have a chance to work on us….''

''Gail..''

''Yes, Holly…''

''So, how do you want to do it?''

''Again?''

''Not that, us…''

''Oh, a girl can dream… You kept me high and dry for months….''

I kissed her. I loved hoc she could crack a joke out of nowhere.

''This time it is different. You have a child, so that makes you a package deal. You and him go together. First we have to establish our relationship and make it real so I could meet him and not be just a passer buy in your life. I want to see if we can make it work…. Date, go out, spend time out of the bedroom this time…''

''Don't worry… I can fuck you out of the bedroom. As I remember I did on many occasions. And now you have that hot office we could christen…. ''

''Gail!''

''Fine, go on dates and no sex….''

''Thank you…''

''One more question...''

I was getting ready for some serious stuff….

''When does that no sex start?''

''You are so bad…''

We had sex again and around six in the morning she left. That gave me time to shower and go to work. Coming to work made me realize that some of the people in the lab still don't take me seriously. So, that day I cut someone pays and they looked at me with such a surprise and anger. I could be very bad when I want it. I had lunch with Gail and after that we went for a walk. It was our routine for some time. After that, we moved to movie dates. It was nice to make out in the back of the theatre like teenagers we were most definitely not… Scariest moment was the day I met her son. He was cute little boy with Gail's eyes. She told him I'm her girlfriend and I got scared. We never labeled things or talked about anything like that. He looked at me and gave me a smile…

''You are pretty…''

''Thank you…. You are also very handsome….''

''Like my grand dad…''

'''Even more…''

He turned to look at Gail.

''Can I go to swings now?''

''Sure…''

''I have to go. My girlfriend is waiting for me… It's time for us to play….''

With that he ran to a cute girl in a red coat. They played and went to swings and Gail had such a proud smile plastered all over her face. After that we went to lucnch and that was even more fun. Damian was nice kid and he reminded me of Gail. They were very stubborn and adored eachother. Next day Gail picked me up from work and we did something special. We spent the afternoon buying presents because the Christmas was near. She bought so many toys to her baby boy that I teased her she will have no more space for them. I forgot that now she lived with her mother in that beautiful mansion and there was enough space for toys and things.

''What are your planes for Christmas?''

''Don't know… I don't feel like snow…''

''Do you want to get out of town?''

''Where to?''

''I don't know…''

''Gail, would you come with me to Buenos Aires?''

''There?''

''Yes, I have house at the beach there….''

''You and me?''

''D can come too?''

''I think Nick is takng him to wisit his parents.''

''Then just us…''

''O.K. It would be fun. I never been there…''

''It is amazing place…''

''I bet it is…''

Her mother and Nick were not happy about us being together again. They went crazy when D told them he met his mom's girlfriend. Nick really hoped that they will get married and be a family but Gail was more and more sure she doesn't want that to happen. Her mother hoped it is just a phase and Gail would be straight again, but she didn't end it. Packing for Argentina was strange. I was taking Gail to place where I was happy with someone else. She knew about my past and some details of my life there and she wanted to see that life too. She was happy to spend some time with me far from everyone. Flight seamed longer than ever. Gail slept and I was thinking about too many things. What would Maria Elena say about Gail? Would Gail like the place I used to live? Will I be able to enter that house again? Too many questions and almost no answers…I was scared. This was the first time we were going somewhere alone. It would be ten days of just us. I was scared we would screw up something. I think she felt me tense a bit because she woke up..

''Still torturing that brain of yours?''

''No… Not really…''

''Baby, look at me… We are going to have good time. we will spend our days together doing a lot of interesting things. I love you Holly Stewart and I'm going to show you how much I love you untill the day you decide you don't want that love anymore…''

''You would be ready to spend your life with me?''

''Yes… I would be honored…''

''That's nice to know…''

''Someday Holly I'll put a ring on that finger…''


	13. Chapter 13

We finally landed and I was very nervous. Only person who knew we were coming was Clara, the housekeeper. She actually only knew I was coming, not Gail. Ride to the house was weird. We were very nervous. This was something I sheared with my wife. As much as Canada was Gail's territory and place where my wife never had created a memory with me, that much Argentina was Mari's place full of memories that didn't include Gail. We were staying in Mari's house and Gail was intimidated by the memories and her presence in the house. We got there and first couple of minutes I let her get to know the house. She loved the view to the ocean from the bedroom window. She stood there, with her hail down and she looked amazing. I came to her and hugged her from behind.

''How do you like it?''

''It's amazing. I can see why you didn't want to come home..''

She turned to face me and we kissed. Our kiss led us to bed and we made love. At first I felt bad for doing it in the bed I sheared with Mari, but later I realized that life goes on. I was thirty four years old and I needed to go on living. I didn't die that day. I had to rebuild my life and let myself be happy. Gail was taking a nap and I went to the kitchen to get something to eat. I knew she would be hungry when she wakes up. When I got to the living room there was a surprise for me. I was greeted by Josefina and Pedro, my late wife's parents.

''Holly, we are so happy you came here to spend your holidays. When Clara told us you were coming we were so happy.''

''It's nice to see you too.''

''Let's go. Get dressed. Alex is making dinner and whole family wants to see you…''

She started pulling me towards the stairs when I heard Gail call my name.

''Holly, where are you?''

She came to the livingroom just in a sheat. Josefina and Pedro were surprised and I could see by the expressions on their faces they were confused…

''These are Josefina and Pedro, Mari's parents… And this is Gail…''

Pedro offered his hands and took a seat at the table. He was surprised I came with someone. Josefina observed Gail and extended her hand…

''You are more beautiful in person… I saw your picture in Holly's locket…But you are more beautiful like this…''

Gail looked confused… She didn't expect this. I felt bad for them. I had doubts about Mari going through my Gail box, but she never made any comment . It took some time for Gail to pull herself together.

''Thank you. I'm also very pleased to meet you. Holly has been speaking nicely about all of you and how happy she was here.''

I had no idea what was she doing. Josefina smiled at her and sent her to get dressed.

''We will take you with us to my brother's vineyard. He was so glad to hear Holly was coming. If you like vine, you will love his. It is the best in the country.''

''I can't wait to try it. But, I'm not really big on vine. That's more of Holly's passion. I love beer and tequila and things like that. When it comes to vine, I drink what Holly recommends or brings. But if you say his vine is the best, I'll try…''

''You'll get along with the boys just fine I see. They love tequila and beer….''

''And she can shoot…''

Josefina looked at me surprised…

''Oh…''

''She is a police officer… Well, detective now…''

''Oh, oh… That's nice…''

''It is sometimes…But sometimes it's not that nice. Like in every job, there are moments I would love to do something different.''

''Like what?''

''Be a full time mom…''

''You want children?''

''I have a son…''

''Oh, that's nice…''

''Yes, he is piece of work…''

''And you are a single mother?''

''Not quite.. His father is in the picture. They spend a lot of time together so Damian doesn't miss him that much.''

''That is nice. Children should feel all the love…''

''He definitely does. He is spoilt… Everybody, including Holly does everything for him. They are very close…''

''She always had it in her… My girl and Holly really wanted a family….''

And the awkwardness returned. Mentioning Mari made Gail quiet. There was nothing to say on the topic without opening some pretty fresh wounds for all of us. Pedro interrupted the silence.

''So, how long do you know each other?''

''We met almost four years ago….''

''Oh, that's nice…''

''Yes, it was…''

''You met on the job?''

''Not really, we met at the bar…''

''Oh, that is nice too.''

''It was. We had so much fun.''

I packed us some chlose and Gail was panicking.

''What was that?''

''I had no idea they would come here…''

''God, this is… They know we are sleeping together…''

''Yap, your bare butt proved that…''

''Hey, you love my butt.''

''I do…But they didn't have to see it…''

''This sucks…''

''I know...''

She took my hand.

''Nerd, I love you… I just want you to know that… I'm not going anywhere… I found you again and I'm here to stay….''

''I love you too.''

We got to the car. Josefina was giving me an update on all the family I'll see tonight, Pedro was paying too much attention to the road and Gail was very silent and looking through the window. Mari's uncle's house was in the middle of a big vineyard. Gail fell in love with the house. It was big and amazing. It looked like it was from some romance novel and my tough cop had it's soppy side and I loved that. Uncle Miko was happy to see me and surprised with the fact I brought someone.

''Miko, it's nice to see you…''

''Hi baby girl…''

Before I introduced Gail, entire family came to the door.

''Hi everybody, this is my partner Gail and this is Mari's family…''

I could see they are not happy about the Gail moment, but it didn't matter to me. I loved her and she made me happy. There was a long silence. It was broken by Mari's cousin Susi…

''It is nice to meet you. You came just in time for the wedding… A day after Christmas Alex and me are getting married.''

It was a surprise. I didn't know about that. She never mentioned it.

''That is grate… I didn't know you were engaged.''

''I told Mari on the day she was shot. We wanted to elope the next day, but…''

''I'm sorry.''

''So are we… I wanted her to be my maid of honor…''

''And she would have loved it…''

''Would you be my maid of honor?''

Before I could answer one of the aunts got into our conversation….

''No, she can't… It's a bad luck… She is widow… She can't be made of honor… It has been less than a year since her spouse died…. It's a bad luck….''

''But I want her to be…''

''No, it's not good. She is bad luck for the marriage….''

It felt bad. I felt like I was letting Susi down.

''I'm sorry.''

''I understand. It is something they believe in and I want you to have the most amazing wedding. I'll be there and I will give my best to help with all you need.''

''Thank you Holly.''

''You're welcome.''

She looked at Gail and smiled at her….

''So, how did two of you meet?''

''We met few years ago, when she moved to Toronto….''

''And you dated before?''

''Yes, we dated for some time and then I had some undercover work that led to some problems in our relationship that got her to leave the country and come here…''

''And now you are back together?''

''Yes, we are…''

''That's nice…''

She took my hand and gave it a light squeeze.

''It is. Actually, it is amazing…''

''You make nice couple.''

''Thank you….''

Susi took us for a short walk and showed us her wedding dress. It was very nice. It was white with imbrued flowers. It was perfect for her. I went to the bathroom and heard the family argue about me and Gail being here. They believed it was disrespect to Mari that I already reconnected with my ex lover. Pedro was the one that made them shut up.

''Please, stop! She is young and should not waste her life living with a memory. She has all the right to live. She is the one who is alive and she should go on. Until the day my baby died, that woman was a good wife to her and loved her very much. We all knew about the blonde. Mari knew all along that Holly loved someone else, but she never gave my girls cause to doubt her fidelity and anything. She was always nice to all of us and she is part of this family forever. I might have lost my daughter, don't make me lose her too. She is only thing we have left from Mari.''

That made me cry. I came back to Susi's room and she and Gail had so much fun. She made Gail put on her wedding dress. She looked amazing.

''Wow… You look amazing…''

''Thank you…''

''You know Holly, maybe you should do something about it?''

''About what?''

''Seeing her in a wedding dress.''

That made us blush…

''Maybe in time… It's too soon. Your cousin died recently and maybe Holly is not ready… But when she is… I'll put that ring on her finger… Don't worry…''

I didn't expect her to say it to Mari's cousin. I was surprised. She really wanted to marry me. That thought was something that haunted me from the plane. She said something like that during our flight.

''Good to know. Now, let's get you out of that dress…''

She looked at me and winked. Susi got the dress back to the bag and Gail came to me and kissed me.

''I just want you to know I love you nerd…''

''I love you too.''

She kissed me again and in-between our kisses she repeated how much she loved me.

''Can we go and eat before I get sick looking at you?''

''Yes, sure… Let's go babe…''

I took her hand and we went to the dining room. Everybody was already there and I felt uncomfortable. Gail noticed that and took my hand under the table. We got some looks, but no one said anything…

_This was going to be very long week…_


	14. Chapter 14

Diner was so tense and awkward. We got so many dirty looks and no one spoke to us during the entire meal. They carefully picked the topics so we could not participate. Mari's parents felt bad about it but they didn't react. I took her out of the dining room when I noticed she was uncomfortable. We went for a short walk and I apologized to her for the family. She understood that Mari's passing was painful for all and that they need time to heal. We went to bed and we cuddled for some time. It was something I never imagined. I slept in Mari's cousin's house with my new girlfriend. I never saw this happening. In the morning we went to breakfast and we got some looks. Apparently we were braking all the rules. I believe the family had big problem to adjust to Mari being gay, after that, she married foreigner who she wanted to have family with, then she died and her wife started rebuilding her life little too soon with her ex lover who has a child…with a men. I wanted to understand. I really wanted, but it was too hard for me. Sometimes I believed they didn't understand that Mari was the person I loved, my spouse, someone who I wanted to be with for a long time. They believed I don't feel the loss and sorrow. I missed my wife very much, but I also loved Gail and loved our potential future. Mari's parents were somewhere in the middle. They found it hard to see me with someone else and see us at places that they relate to their daughter and their past. I wanted to please everyone, but it was so hard. While Gail was with the boys ridding and shooting guns, I was in the house. I was helping with the wedding stuff and felt good because it made Susi very happy. Susi sent me to get some more decorations from her room and on my way back I overheard their talk about me and Gail.

''Susi, how could you forgive so easily? She was married to Mari and puff, new woman that soon. She never mourned her loss.''

''Nana, we all have our ways of handling loss.''

''I lost my husband at the age of twenty one, and I never looked at another man. That is honorable thing to do.''

''Nana, she loves Gail. It is good for her to be happy and have family…. I lost Toni ten years ago and you still look at me like trash because I'm marrying Alex. Love is love and there is nothing more important than being happy in life. She and Mari were happy, but it was not meant to last… Give her a brake…''

''They share the bed and are not married. That is disrespect to the house…''

''What is that you want, to see them married or not in the same bed?''

'' Susi, you are hopeless. Their ways have corrupted you…''

''Should I then marry a girl? Should I prove to everyone that I'm corrupted?''

''Susi, do not even think of that. Enough disgrace was Maria Elena… Not you too…''

I knew that Mari's coming out was horrible thing for the family. She was second in the very big family to go to the university, she was a doctor, pride and joy . They had big plans for her. She would come back here, they would build her a clinic, she would marry , have a lot of kids and it would be perfect life for all. The surprise was enormous when she came with a girl, career in pathology and no intention to stay in the town. I waited for discussion to end and got back to the room.

''I found them. You hid them well.''

''I try….''

Man came back from the hunt and I had Gail back. We prepared a picnic basket and went out. I took Gail out of the house and we went to the vine seller. One of the workers gave us to try some vines and Gail loved it. It was great until one of Mari's aunts came and gave him the look. He went back to work and she left. I felt bad for Gail. I wanted her to have nice time and apparently it was not possible.

''Babe, I'm sorry…''

''Don't worry… It will be fine. Give them some time….''

''I don't like how they treat you babe…''

''I'm Peck… My mother treated me worse…''

''I love you Gail Peck…''

''I love you too.''

They continued walking and went to the small river at the bottom of the estate. Gail found nice rock and they just set there in silence.

''I miss him so much….''

''Me to. I can't wait for us to come home and bring him so many presents. When this little adventure ends, we have one week just for ourselves…I can't wait to be with you alone, far from the nosy family and all this….''

''Me to love…''

''I miss our time together…''

''Just few more days and we are done with this…''

''Yes!''

We kissed for some time and then went back to the house. We arrived just in time for lunch. The wedding was tomorrow, and everyone was so excited. Gail and me were happy for them. They seemed really happy and I felt bad for the fact that Mari was not here with her family. Susi and Alex were so good for one another that it was clear they would make beautiful family. I noticed that Gail is often on the phone and I got curious. It got the best of me so I followed her and listened to her conversation.

''Hi baby, how is it going?''

''I miss you too…''

''You know that you are my favorite person to sleep and cuddle with…. You are the love of my life…''

_That hurt… I had no idea who was she talking to. I wished it was her son, but…. That was Gail. Anything was possible._

''Yes, love it is very nice here….and if you are good boy we might bring you here….''

''Holly? She misses you too. When we get back to the big city, I bet you she will get you more presents than me. You know how much she adores you….''

''What? You love her more than mama? Just for the presents? Oh, baby, you just broke my heart….''

Yes, it was Damian…. I suddenly felt so good. He misses me too. How cute…

''Daddy wants to talk to me? Ok?''

''Hey Nick…''

''No, we are fine… You?''

''What? How can I come and get him now? I do not have means to teleport….I know I'm dating a nerd and crazy scientist, but…. Fine, I'll give you a call in an hour. I must see with Holly how shall we do it…''

She hung up on him and murmured something about killing his miserable ass and me getting rid of him.

''Everything O.K.?''

''No, Nick called for me to return because his girlfriend and Damian are not on good terms and they want some time alone…''

''Oh, so we are going home?''

''Is that a problem?''

''No, can we go after the wedding?''

''Day after tomorrow?''

''Yes…''

''Sure, let me call Nick.''

There was some shouting and bad words, but Gail got us those two days and I was fine with it. I loved little D and his mother. I would do anything to see them happy. When we got home, we told eveybody about the change of planes and Mari's parents were sad I was leaving.

''But, you just got here… We missed you….''

''I promise to come back. Maybe, next time you could meet Damian too and we could stay longer.''

''Fine. Some of the men will give you a ride…''

''Thank you…''

The wedding was beautiful. Susi looked beautiful and she was glowing. Alex loved her so much and she loved him back. At that moment at the church I could see me marrying Gail. I could see us standing in front of the friends and family and doing this. I married Marie just with my dad being here and her friends and family. I wanted something bigger this time. In front of the church were mariachi band and all of their friends and family. People threw rise at them and cheered them to kiss. Susi threw the flowers and they fell in my arms. Everybody went silent….


End file.
